One Month Wonderful

 

 Over the weekend, our little man turned one month old!

 I took him for his one month well-visit last Wednesday, and he came in as quite the chunker:

9 lbs., 10 oz. and 20 3/4 inches long.

That's 50th percentile in weight and head circumference and about 25th percentile in length.

Here are the stats of Evan's siblings at their one month appointments:

Stella: 9 lbs., 2 oz. and 21 1/4 inches
Nora: 8 lbs., 6 oz. and 21 inches
Liam: 9 lbs., 14 oz. and 22 1/4 inches

(Nora was definitely our little peanut, and Evan seems to be a bit thinner but a bit longer than his older brother.  Stella is right in the middle there).

This past month has been wonderful with Evan James.  We have just enjoyed every second of his life! The newborn stage is so fleeting and so precious and so miraculous.  This little life literally grows by the minute and changes daily, and I get to watch it unfold before my very eyes.  

As far as a schedule goes, we pretty much just live life with the three older ones and Evan just goes with the flow.  He eats about every 2.5-3 hours during the day (lately he's been doing three hour stretches more often which lends itself to better feedings each time).  At night we have a hard time getting him to go down (darn witching hour), but once he's out, he usually sleeps for a 5-6 hours stretch followed by a 3-4 hour stretch.  He naps pretty well during the day and usually gets one LONG nap in during the afternoon.

Life with Cleft:  Life for Evan with cleft is really no different right now than life for any newborn.  Thankfully he is able to nurse like a healthy baby, and we haven't had any issues other than the usual learning to latch, burping, occasional gas, etc.  We have not been able to use a pacifier for Evan which has its pros and cons.  Following surgery next month, Evan will NOT be able to use a pacifier or bottle of any sort because his lip will be healing and have sutures.  He will be fed by syringe for a week.  If we had him attached to a pacifier, after surgery he will definitely NOT be able to use it so he would be pretty unhappy at that time if were dependent on it.  So, we have tried really hard to not use one and so far have been successful.  This can be difficult at night because sometimes he just wants to suck for comfort which means that we nurse A LOT in the evenings.  I sometimes feel like a human pacifier (which isn't fun) but my sweet baby boy is worth it.  Also, he is learning to self soothe a bit, so maybe his need to suck will lessen over time.

This Friday we take Evan for his pre-op appointment at Children's where he will get registered for surgery in December.  I'll update what we discover after that appointment.

Four Weeks

Four weeks.  Wow.  Four weeks with four kids.  WOWWWW!

I know there are so many things about these days that I simply will not remember.  I am tired and sleep-deprived and super busy and recovering from pregnancy.  My brain just cannot keep up with all that's happening in our sweet little life.  But there are so many sweet things, so many precious moments that have and are occurring.  There are also really hard days, tough moments.  Moments when my patience is thin, the kids are unruly, and the volume is way too loud.  But, I wouldn't change a thing, I wouldn't miss a moment, and I wouldn't fast forward through these days to a time when we are all well-rested and recovered.

Jonathan is hard-working, committed, strong, and steadfast.  We wakes early, helps me out in the little things like throwing together peanut butter sandwiches or leaving me a hot mug of coffee ready to go.  He runs his business and cares for his patients, then comes homes to care for his children and tired wife.  Some nights he takes the kids out to Chick-fil-a so I can have an hour to myself.  Some nights he cleans the kitchen and bathes the children while I hold a fussy newborn.  But, I have not hear him complain once.  Not once. 

Nora is so caring and so helpful and so sweet-hearted.  She is flexible and funny and fills her role as big sister so well.  She adores Evan and talks about wanting to "eat" him and how "squishy" he is.  She loves to talk to him, hold him, compare her newborn pictures to him.  We all think that at first he looked just like her.  She is forgiving and understanding when her Momma is tired by the middle of the afternoon.  Sometimes she'll just lay in my bed with me while I rest.  She is such a gift and a friend to me.

Liam could not love his brother any more!  He is proud and protective and provoking.....He cannot keep his hands off that baby.  He enjoys holding Evan and imagining what they will be able to do together when Evan is bigger or when he, Daddy, and Evan can do "guy trips."  He is spunky and loud and full of life and energy.  At first I had to be tough on him and Stella because they just didn't understand the personal space and gentleness that babies need, so I think he was frustrated with me for keeping him "away" from Evan and also that so much of my attention was spent of Evan.  But lately, he is my cuddle bug.  When I wake up with Evan in the middle of the night, I always wake Liam up to go "pee pee" before I dive under the covers for a few more hours sleep.  I love that I can once again pick him up and carry him to the potty.  He's so long and heavy, and I know the time is limited that I will physically be able to carry him, but for now, I love it.  I carry him to and from the bathroom in those wee hours and tuck him in.  My favorite are the nights that he wakes up enough to softly say, "I love you, Momma" before I shut the door.

Stella is my little maternal mess.  She honestly has no idea that she is two years old.  It has not once occurred to her that she is any younger than Nora and Liam or in any way limited from doing all that they can.  Her vocabulary explodes daily, and we are in that fun/not-so-fun stage where we are communicating much more.  It's hard when she knows what she is saying but when we just have.no.clue.  She loves Evan and still struggles keeping her hands off of him.  All of his "things," in her mind, are really there for her.  The bouncy seat, the pack-n-play, the swing.  They are there for her use and for her "babies."  She's such a little doll baby, and we enjoy her spunky personality so much. 

Evan.  Oh my sweet Evan.  He is growing so fast, and there is a part of me that is just sad that it goes by in such a quick blur.  I can literally feel him growing, feel the changes in his weight and in how his clothes fit.  He's so much more alert these days, and I am so excited to see his smile for the first time.  Around week two, he began to get fussy in the evenings and wanted to cluster feed every 2 hours or so.  It's easier to walk through that when you know it won't last.  Also, when you know it's your last baby.  It's easier to just let him sleep on me instead of laying him down right away.  It's easier to justify rocking him a few minutes longer because it's not every day I have an eleven day old or a four week old in my arms.  He's doing such a great job with nursing, even though I cam pretty much drenched in milk most days and smell like spit up.  There's such a sweetness to this stage, as hard as it is. 

I want to remember these days and cherish them.  We will one day sleep through the night.  We may eventually get on a schedule.  But for now, I just want to remember.  I want to enjoy.  I want to cherish.  I want to soak it up.  I want to be thankful for the chaos and the exhaustion and the desperation. 

A Baby Story: Evan's Arrival

It seems that from day one Evan has decided to march to the beat of his own drum.  I had three of the "easiest" pregnancies with my first three babies, but from the start things were a bit different with Evan.  I had low progesterone in the first trimester (which I did experience with Stella), at 20 weeks we found out about his cleft and my shortened cervical length, and then beginning around 24 weeks I was under care for preterm labor which means I had weekly ultrasounds up until I was 35 weeks pregnant.  I failed my glucose test, then had to take the three-hour.  I tested positive for a fetal fibronectin test at 24 weeks which means that it was likely I would go into labor within two weeks (YIKES!).  But, then all of that ended up being for nothing because the Lord sustained Evan in my womb far beyond what we all anticipated.

I started to dilate around 34 weeks.  I was 1 cm, then 3-4 cm.  Then I jumped to 5 cm, and the nurse practitioner that I saw almost weekly thought I wouldn't make it but a few more days.  So, I walked around for a week thinking that if I sneezed too hard I would pop out a baby, but alas nothing happened.  I made it to 36 weeks.  At my 37 week appointment, I was still at 5 cm but they weren't ready to admit me because my contractions weren't consistent.  I decided then to stop walking around in that anxious state of anticipation, and I just enjoyed my last days of pregnancy.  Those were my last days with just three children.  Last days with Stella as my "baby."  Last days of "sleep" (although we all know that late pregnancy doesn't equal good rest).  All this time I was having lots of contractions, some very intense, some nights thinking "This is it."  However, my contractions would slow down, we would make it through another night, and I was still pregnant.

My biggest "fear" with this delivery was that things would be chaotic.  Let's face it, there's a lot to consider before I can just be admitted to the hospital.  I have to make sure the kiddos are being cared for, whether that means someone comes to the house in the middle of the night or we have help getting them to and from school, etc.  Also, when I went into labor spontaneously with Stella, I had extreme back labor that was very painful.  I was not a very nice person, and rumor has it that I can turn into a little bit of a "potty mouth" when the going gets rough.  How would all of that play out, say, in the middle of the afternoon.  There were many what ifs and what would wes.  My prayer was that it would all come together peacefully (and I really prayed hard that I would make it to the hospital in time to get my epidural).  Selfish, I know.

On Tuesday, October 15, we spent out last day and night as a family of five.  We had co-op at church, lunch at home, dinner as a family.  Jonathan and Liam went and bought a new television for our living room because our old one (which we'd had for many, many moons) took no shorter than 15 minutes to turn on.  It was time, people.  While the boys were out, we girls painted our nails because it is a necessity to have pretty toes whilst pushing out a baby, right? It was a sweet time with my two little ladies.  We tucked the kids into bed, and I prayed that I would make it through the night and to my doctor's appointment the next morning.  I had been having contractions off and on for several days, but again, no consistency, no strengthening.

On Wednesday, October 16, I brought Liam to school and dropped Stella and Nora (on Fall Break) off to Granna and Geegaw's house.  The plan was that if my appointment showed no progression then I would come get Stella and then pick up the other two once they got out of school.  If my appointment, however, led me to get admited to the hospital, then the girls would already be with them and they could get Liam at dismissal.  I checked into the appointment and was quickly ushered in to leave a sample and get weighed.  As I was coming out of the restroom, I was greeted by my favorite nurse practitioner, Krista, and her nurse.  I saw Krista at most of my appointments since I was going weekly, and we have gotten to know each other very well.  Love her!  She told me how shocked she was that I was there, still pregnant.  My response was, "I know!"  She gave me a squeeze and told me to tell her what the word was after seeing Dr. Yang.

A few minutes later I found myself in the room and Dr. Yang came in, asked how I was feeling whether or not I was ready.  She quickly checked me and said that I had progressed to a 6 or 7 cm. 
"Let's have a baby," she said.  Okay!  She didn't even want me to go home, but wanted me to head straight to the hospital (just down the street).  Thankfully, I had my suitcase packed just in case.  A few minutes later I called Jonathan to tell him it was baby day!  He was so excited, and we quickly hung up so he could get out of the office, swing by the house for a few last minute things for himself, and meet me up there.  I then called Paul and Joyce to tell them the news, and then I called my momma.  About 20 minutes after my appointment time, I was parking my van in the hospital parking lot and pulling my suitcase and my pregnant self up the hill to the hospital entrance.  It was quite funny and seemed ordinary, but it was Evan's birthday.

I checked in and was escorted to my room where I changed and got hooked up on monitors.  Several nurses came in to get my medical history and important information, and I was started on an IV and some fluids.  Jonathan arrived around 11:00 am, and I had left most of our things in the van, so he headed to get himself some lunch and come back with what we needed.  By the time he got back, the anesthesiologist was there to give me my epidural (around noon).  A bit later they nurse checked me and I was at 8 cm.  She called Dr. Yang who came in just a few minutes later and broke my water.  She said I hadn't really progressed past 8 so I asked if I could sit up to see if changing my position and putting pressure on my cervix caused me to dilate.  At 1:20, the nurse came in to ask if I felt pressure or if I needed to push.  I didn't think I did, so she said to call her if anything changed, but that if not, she would be back at 2:00 to check on me. 

At 1:35, Jonathan called his parents who had just picked up Liam from school.  We were so excited to hear his reaction about having his baby brother being born that day, so we wanted to hear his response over the phone.  While Jonathan talked to his folks, I began to feel some changes and lots of pressure.  I could still feel my contractions (although mostly pain-free), so as soon as Jonathan hung up the phone I told him we needed to call the nurse.  That was at 1:42.  The nurse quickly came in and checked me, and I was complete.  "Let me get the doctor," she said.  A whirlwind unfolded as everyone came in and got in position.  I was ready to push and could feel everything I needed to know what was happening.  It was a wonderful epidural and delivery...pain free, but I was still in control of my body.  About three rounds of pushing (counting to ten), and our boy was here!

Evan came out screaming and as mad as a hornet!  Dr. Yang asked if I wanted to hold him, and I so did!  She dropped that messy, bloody, screaming baby boy in my arms and it was love!  I just love that moment and would do it over and over again.  We snuggled for a bit, but his body temperature was dropping and they needed to check him out, so they took him across the room to warm him and weigh him.  Evan was 7 lbs, 2 oz. and measured 19.5 inches in length.  He was just a few ounces bigger than his two sisters (who weighed 6.14 and 6.15).  Liam was my biggest baby at 7.15.  As I mentioned in my earlier post, it quickly became apparent that his lip was the only thing involved in his cleft, so once he got warm, I tried nursing him.  That first time it didn't go so well, but about an hour or so later we tried again and he did great. 

Later that afternoon, the kids came by to meet their baby brother.  They all instantly adored him!  I tried to immediately address Evan's cleft so that the kids wouldn't be upset or confused or anything, but even though I pointed it out, they hardly seemed to notice or care.  All they saw was their baby brother that they loved.  We had several friends visit us throughout our hospital stay, and my recovery was pretty "easy." 

All in all, Jonathan and I both think that Evan's delivery was probably the best one.  It was smooth, fairly quick, and I was so comfortable with the epidural and pushing and knowing what my body was supposed to do.  The Lord truly answered my prayers and calmed all fears.  There was no chaos.  Evan and I were both healthy, and all of our needs were provided for! 

I'm weird, I know, but I love the actual part of having the baby.  Now, I don't know how much I'd love it minus my epidural, but childbirth truly is such a miracle.  Even now, four weeks later, I cannot get over the fact that Evan was INSIDE me!  Our God is amazing.  Conception and pregnancy and delivery and raising babies.....it's beyond my comprehension.  It definitely causes me to stand in awe of my Creator!

.God Is Gracious.

Two weeks ago, we were so blessed to welcome our newest bundle into the world.  That's right, our fourth child, our second son--Evan James Bradshaw-- was born on Wednesday, October 16, 2013.   And we could not be more in love with this little boy.

I have so much to say about my pregnancy, my delivery, and how wonderful life with Evan has been these past two weeks, but before I get to those things, I want to tell you all something that we have not been extremely verbal about until now.  Many of you may have noticed in a few of the pictures that we have posted on Facebook or Instagram that Evan has a cleft lip.  We found out about Evan's lip during my 20 week anatomy scan back in June.  Being our fourth baby, I didn't really expect the appointment to go any differently than my previous three, so Jonathan stayed home with the other kiddos while I went to have my ultrasound.  After about an hour of checking on our little man, the ultrasound tech finally got around to scanning Evan's brain and face.  He was very low in my pelvis during the ultrasound, so she was having trouble getting good pictures of his brain, but finally got to see all that she needed.  Finally, she got to his sweet face and profile but said she was having trouble getting the shots she needed because his umbilical cord was right in front of his face.  Within a minute or so, my eyes seemed to focus in on Evan and I saw it.  I said, "Is that a cleft lip?"  "It is," she said with a sympathetic, kind tone.

A few minutes later she came back with my OB to confirm the diagnosis.  The rest of the appointment is kind of a blur, but I remember that I held it together pretty well and just kept trying to remind myself that the baby was healthy.  All things considered, a cleft lip is not life-threatening and is usually fixable.  Through teary eyes, I said this to my OB.  She nodded in agreement, then looked at me and said, "That's true. But, it's your baby. You always want everything to be perfect for your baby."  I called Jonathan from the operatory and told him the news.  His response was so strong and encouraging and full of faith.

We made it through that first weekend (I found out on a Friday morning).  Our emotions ran the gamut as we learned more about the condition, we learned how much we actually DID NOT and COULD NOT know about the extent of the cleft, and we told our family and closest friends.  Honestly, we cried a lot that weekend.  We took turns being the weak one and the strong one.  We talked to the kiddos about the baby's "Boo Boo."  But most importantly, we named our baby during those days.  Up until that time, we had trouble deciding on a name, but after his diagnosis, I told Jonathan that he needed a name.  I needed to be able to call him by his name, to pray for him by name.  Evan was one of the names on our list and it was the only name on that list that had the perfect meaning:  God is gracious.  Evan James, God IS Gracious.  He graciously gave you to us.  He graciously made you in my womb.  He graciously brought you into our family.  And He graciously cares for you and takes care of you and loves you.

After those first few days, I came to the conclusion that I could not live in the sadness that I had over the weekend.  I did not want to continue on through the next four months of pregnancy with a sense of fear, anxiety, sadness, or any other emotion that would rob me, rob our family from the joy of this upcoming new life.   We were having a BABY.  A son!  We had so much to rejoice over and be thankful for and we had so much to celebrate.

It's true, we knew very little about the future.  Even with several ultrasounds, we were not able to tell if Evan's cleft was just his lip or if it extended into his palate.  We would not know until delivery.  In August, we met with the Cleft Team at Knoxville's Children's Hospital to consult with them about Evan's case and to learn about what the future held.  We instantly fell in love with the nurse practitioner who coached us on the worst-case scenarios, what to expect, how to feed and how not to feed.  She reassured me over and over that there was nothing I did or did not do to cause this to happen.  She told us how much we would love Evan's smile with his cleft lip and how we would cry when time for surgery because that particular smile would never be again.  She gave us bottles and special nipples and taught us how to feed him if his palate was involved.  We talked about the possibilities or impossibilities of breastfeeding a baby with cleft palate.  She gave us her personal cell phone number and made us promise her we would call her from the delivery room and said to call her any time of day if we have questions or difficult feedings or anything.  She spoke with such confidence of our surgeon's abilities and put so many fears at ease.  We met the surgeon, Dr. R, and learned about the schedule of surgeries depending on the severity of Evan's case.

Here is what we did know:  Evan has a unilateral (one side) cleft lip.  It is on his left side, and from the ultrasound pictures, we were almost certain it was "complete" which means it extends up into his nostril.  When Dr. R looked at Evan's pictures, he seemed pretty confident that his palate WAS involved.  We could be looking at up to three surgeries within the first few years (one at 2 months, one at 6-7 months, and one later down the road).  We walked out of there with lots of information and a feeling of blessing and confidence in the care we would be receiving.

The remainder of my pregnancy was filled with craziness: I failed my glucose test, was on watch for preterm labor, placed on restrictions, etc.  I basically lived at my OB's office.  It seems like every time I walked in there something else came up.  The biggest concern was that I was showing signs of preterm labor beginning around 24 weeks.  I had weekly ultrasounds and biophysical profiles of Evan to make sure he was growing well and that my body was behaving itself.  We had goals of making it to 30 weeks, then 32 weeks, then 34, then 36 weeks.  Then, around that time I started dilating and the doctor was certain I would have Evan any day.

HA!  My prayers from the first sign of preterm labor was that Evan would stay in my belly as long as possible so that he could be as big and healthy as could be.  I knew he would likely have a very rough road ahead of him, so we didn't need to add difficulty breathing or low weight to be additional trouble.  At 38 weeks, 5 days, Evan finally decided it was time to come out.  The Lord graciously, faithfully kept him growing in my belly for longer than anyone expected.

Evan was born on Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 1:54 pm.  He came out big and healthy and screaming like a hornet.  I saw him and was instantly in love with him.  He weighed 7 lbs., 2 oz. and measured 19.5 inches long.  Jonathan immediately turned into the dentist that he is and began to scope out the extent of the cleft.  We could immediately see his lip, but after quick inspection we discovered that his palate was complete.  There was no cleft.  Also, usually when there is a cleft lip, the gum line is also involved with a cleft but Evan's was complete.  His lip, while cleft, was NOT complete like we suspected.  It does not extend up into his nostril, but stops a few millimeters below his nose.  We were told that if his palate was involved there was no way I could nurse him.  If it was just his lip, it would be questionable because many times suction is not possible.  Jonathan called Judy (our lovely nurse practitioner) and filled her in on what we knew and she told us to go ahead and try nursing.  I had nursed the other three, so she told me to treat Evan just like I would my other babies.  We will see how things go.

Our days at the hospital flew by, and Evan was a rock star!  He began eating like a champ and had minimal weight loss in the hospital.  Everyone was so kind and encouraging and seemed to be as smitten with him as we were.  We came home that Friday, and the past two weeks have been a blur.  Mostly, I am soaking up time with my little man, trying to cherish every little sound, every little first.  In these two weeks, Evan has grown to 7 lbs, 13 oz. (he gained nearly a pound since his first pediatric appointment last week).  We have scheduled surgery for mid-December, which Dr. R believes will likely be the only surgery Evan will require. 

Whew, I know that is a lot of information to catch up on, but more than anything, I want to communicate that Evan is an answer to prayer and is a testimony to the kindness and greatness and graciousness of God.  We have had so many friends and family praying for us and praying for this baby, and the Lord has blessed us.  Even if Evan's condition had been the worst-case scenario, I believe that God is faithful and kind and great.  I know had it been worse, that He would have given us the strength and might to care for Evan and our other three children.  He would have carried us through those difficulties, and He will carry us through the rough days ahead.

I feel like there is so much that the Lord has taught me, has taught us through these past several months.  He has taught me about fighting anxiety, trusting in him, letting go of things that I cannot control, praying for and fighting for peace, receiving help and care that previously in my pride and self-sufficiency I may not have received.  He has brought Jonathan and I closer together.  He has allowed sweet conversations between us and our children.  And I know that what the Lord has started He will complete.  There are still lessons to be learned here.  Lessons for us, lessons for our children, lessons for Evan.   But so far, the most resounding lesson we've seen is that God is gracious to His children and to those who cry out to him for help and mercy. 

Here are some pictures of our sweet boy.  I cannot tell you how much we love him.  I adore his precious face, his sweet mouth, his cleft lip.  It is who he is and we adore him.  We prayed for this baby, and the Lord gave him to us.  We are so thankful for him!  I cannot wait for you to meet him.

First Day!

This morning, August 12, 2013, Nora began her first day of Kindergarten at Paideia Academy.  She was so excited, and seems to have had such a great day.  Although she was only there for half a day, getting up before 7:00 am and getting back into the swing of school has worn my girl out as she is taking herself a nice, long nap!

As I discussed a few months ago, we are starting Nora at a new school this year and have re-entered her in Kindergarten.  Basically, she was a very young Kindergartener last year having a late August birthday, and Paideia has a very different curriculum/method of learning from what we did at our other school.  So, we basically figured we have nothing to lose by having her do Kindergarten again (plus we get another whole year with our girl!).

Last year, I was super emotional as we sent both Nora and Liam to school for the first time.  For several weeks (maybe even months), I felt like a part of me was missing the hours they were in class.  My heart wasn't whole while they were gone, but that feeling got better and letting them go a little bit got easier.  This year, I don't feel that too much, and I am just so excited for all that this year holds for both of them academically.  Liam starts Pre-K next Monday, and this coming Friday we will go meet his teachers and classmates.

Here are a few pictures of Nora this morning as Liam, Stella and I walked her to class for her big day:

Getting out of the car.  (Shhh, but I think we may have worn a wrong version of the uniform on the first day!  Oh well!)

This is her first time wearing a uniform.  At first, she was aghast at the thought, but now she likes it.  I personally can't get over the knee socks.  Too cute!

At her desk!  In her brown paper bag are 5 things about herself that she packed to share in front of the class today.  She packed her white stuffed kitty (a favorite), a Littlest Pet Shop character (one of her favorite toys to play with), paints (because she wants to be an artist), a picture of our family at the beach, and her goggles (because she loves to swim).

Getting ready to start her first morning activity: drawing a self-portrait on the first day.  You'll notice her name and alphabet chart on her desk.  She'll be learning the D'Nealian form of handwriting this year to prepare her for future cursive writing.

Stella wishing her big sister a great first day!  Liam refused to participate in the picture taking this morning.

 Don't you just love that face!

I'm so proud of my big girl.  Tomorrow marks a big day as it's our first day of homeschool days with Paideia, and we have co-op at our church.  Like last year, I will homeschool Nora on Tuesdays and Thursdays in conjunction with what she learns in class on MWF.  Miss Jones, Nora's teacher, sends home lesson plans for me to follow each day, so planning won't be as much for me this year.  However, I did take a look at what we've got going on tomorrow, and we will definitely be busy.  

Nora will also be taking ballet on Tuesdays this year, and both Nora and Liam will be taking a Reading Connections class at our CCK Co-op.  Tuesdays will be super busy over here!

I'll keep you posted on our progress and update after Liam's first day next week.  Hard to believe summer is over already!

Green Leaves.

This past January, the ladies in our small group began going through a book together called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow.  I first read this book many years ago when I found it at my parent's house one day during a particularly difficult season in my life---we were struggling with getting pregnant and I was very consumed and fearful about being able to have children.  I read the book and learned so much and benefited tremendously from the wisdom and encouragement it provided.  Since that time, I've referred to it over and over again.  The past six months, as we've been going through this book together, I have rediscovered so much truth, so much application, and have grown in such depth of relationship with my girlfriends as the discussions of contentment (or lack thereof), fear, anxiety, and trusting the Lord have brought us together. 

Never has this book been more timely than in the past six weeks or so.  After reading several chapters on anxiety and how to walk out putting to death the sin of anxiety, the Lord has brought a trial into our family's life that has allowed me to put my faith to work.  I am so thankful for the foresight the Lord had in having me be reminded of his commands, saying, "Do not fear!" 

This morning, I woke up early to read and was slammed with a flood of encouragement from the Lord.  I opened my Calm My Anxious Heart book to the next chapter in our assignment, and it immediately felt as if the chapter were written for me.  For this season.  For today, specifically.  I am so blown away by the kindness of the Lord.  I sense his care and friendship.  He is so specific sometimes and so intentional, and I just want to remember this.  He has been so faithful the past several weeks, even when I am not.  He has carried me when I am low and sad and scared, and in the midst of all of those emotions, he has not left my side.  I have sensed His presence, His voice, His sovereignty there, just patiently waiting to remind me of His goodness. 

Here are somethings the Lord greeted me with this morning:

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Thus says the Lord:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man

and makes flesh his strength,

whose heart turns away from the Lord.

6 He is like a shrub in the desert,

and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,

in an uninhabited salt land.

7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord.

8 He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

The author of the book wrote a prayer based on these verses that she prayed over and over again during a long trial, which I am copying and planning to make my heart's prayer during this time:

Please, God, teach me what it means to not only trust You but make You my total trust.  I long to become that blessed woman whose roots are planted deep by Your river.  As the heat of the trials increase, I long to trust instead of fear, to be content instead of anxious.  Please keep my eyes focused on You so that my leaves will stay green and fruit will be produced in the midst of the what ifs, the trials, and the hardest days ahead.

Here are some other scriptures from the chapter that build my faith:

Isaiah 41:10
fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 141:8

But my eyes are toward you, O God, my Lord; in you I seek refuge; leave me not defenseless! 

Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

The Lord is trustworthy.  I can trust him with my life, my circumstances, and the future because I trust HIM and his character and his heart.  I can thank God that He has everything under control and that He is orchestrating all things.

Finally, this quote:

"Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future, but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His."  H. E. Manning, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot in her book Keep and Quiet Heart

I know I am being vague in this post regarding specifics, but there will be a time when I share specifically the things these words reference.  Thank you for your patience.

In the meantime, I am praying that my leaves will stay green!

Growing Like Weeds: Stats for Stella and Liam

This morning I took Liam and Stella in to the pediatrician for their annual check-ups.  Although I haven't blogged about it, Liam turned 4 in May and Stella turned 2.  I'm not quite sure how it's possible that either of them is that grown up, but these little rascals refuse to listen to me when I tell them to stop growing.  I may resort to desperate measures.



Liam, my young little man, was quite the sweet patient today and was very thrilled that no shots were on the agenda.  Here are his 4 year old stats:

Height:  40 5/8 inches (60th percentile)
Weight: 39 lbs. (75th percentile)

For a comparison, Nora was 34 lbs.  (55th percentile) and measured 39 7/8 inches  (75th percentile) when she turned four.





Stella Marie was very excited to see Dr. G today and was an excellent patient.  She stood still while he did his examination and proceeded to greet everyone in the office.  Here are her two-year-old stats:


Height:  33 1/8 inches (25th percentile)
Weight: 26.5 lbs.  (50th percentile)


Again, just for fun, here are the stats of Liam and Nora when they were two:
Liam:  Height:  35.75 inches (85th percentile);  Weight: 28 lbs, 10 oz.  (65th percentile)
Nora:  Height: 33.5 inches (45th percentile);  Weight: 24 lbs. (<25th p="" percentile="">
It seems like Stella is much more like her sister than her brother in height, but right in the middle in weight.  She is our sweet, squishy, fluffy girl!


So, here we go starting another year for these two.  They will grow and mature in so many ways, I'm certain.  Liam is particularly excited about his baby brother, and Stella will surely not know what hit her when he gets here because she is definitely a Momma's girl.  I can't wait to see what this year holds for them!