Friday, July 17, 2009

Love/Hate Relationships

I currently have two love/hate relationships going on in my life: breastfeeding and the pacifier.

First of all, let me say, my love for these things far outweighs my hate. Actually, I won't even call it hate. I just dislike these things at random times, when my patience is running thin or I am being selfish or just tired.

I love breastfeeding my babies. Nora decided she'd call it a day much too early for my liking, but I am glad we had the experience for six or seven months. Liam is a great nurser about 90% of the time. He has the occasional fussy day where he fights me to nurse or my milk won't let down fast enough for him. I can understand....I am not happy when I am hungry either. I usually feel a strong dislike for breastfeeding in the early morning hours and the first feeding of the day, which is usually around 8:30. Liam, for whatever reason, acts like he has totally forgotten what it is to breastfeed. He won't eat very much, but acts hungry, and he spits up all over me. Ah, another reason, I dislike breastfeeding....being covered in spit up. I know I have a scent about me these days that must not be too appealing. Sour milk stinks. Period. But, then there are those feedings when everything works like a charm. He eats, the milk stays in his belly, and he is a happy camper for the 2.5-3 hours until we do it all over again. If you can't tell, we had a yucky feeding time this morning, and I just need to vent. I have to remind myself that it will be merely a blink before my baby boy is all grown up. I know there will be a day in the near future when I will cry because he is moving on. I need to remember the precious moments and cherish the times that I simply hold my baby in my arms, uninterrupted. Him and me. Not to mention all of the health benefits that really make a momma love breastfeeding.

Okay, the paci. Now, I don't love this one nearly as much as I love breastfeeding. It is a necessary evil. Nora never took a paci, so this is a whole new world for me. Liam loves it, but really only takes it when he is going to sleep. He requires more of the sucking to relax him and doze off. I love the paci because I can simply lay him down in his crib, stick the paci in his mouth, and he'll dazzle off to dream world without as much as a whimper. This is MAJORLY different than how Nora went to sleep. She did the whole "cry it out thing" at about two months old which we really haven't had to do with Liam. (The "cry it out thing" is another necessary evil for some children and is another love/hate relationship in my life). My strong dislike for the paci comes in the middle of the night. Liam will stir in his sleep (usually around 3:00 am), and my dilemma is: Is he hungry? Or is his simply changing sleep cycles? Do I get him up to nurse? Or do I stick the paci back in his mouth? How many times do I stick the paci back in his mouth before I decide he's not just stirring, he really is hungry? Am I depriving him of food he needs or am I training him to sleep? AAAHHHH!!!

See my problem?
This usually means plenty of interrupted sleep for Momma.
I worry too much.
Get over it, Casey.

One reason, I love the paci, is because it so obnoxiously cute and ugly at the same time in this precious boy's mouth. Why he loves this particular paci over the other ones is beyond my comprehension, but he does.

Enough of that. I am going back to my baby....He's ready to eat, I hope.
I really do love being a Momma. These are just baby mole hills that I make into mountains out of fear and anxiety. I'm praying God changes these things in me.

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