Just being honest, it's been a rough week this past week parenting-wise. I love my kiddos so much, but sometimes I get overwhelmed by the constancy of tending to a four-year old, two-year old, and three-month old. It's a very busy season, but such a precious season. I am so thankful for the time I have with them, almost every minute of every day, but I get very impatient at times and don't do a great job of displaying kindness, gentleness, and patience. It's like I know in my head the kind of mother I want to be all of the time, but because of my sinful heart I am not that mother. God has been showing me that I am completely dependent on him to be the Momma that brings him glory and shows Christ to my kiddos. I have been very aware this week that I can't do this job by myself.
While driving in the car yesterday, I was listening to Pandora and found myself listening to a familiar song: "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong United.
Here are the words:
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I,
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
The words "My whole life I place in your hands. God of mercy, humbled, I bow down. [. . .] I called, you answered, and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are." That's my prayer. My whole life, my kids' lives, their hearts, their salvation, their attitudes and behaviors, their education, their relationships with each other, my relationship with Jonathan, my chaotic house, my relationship with You.....I give it all to you. I know in my sin I'll continue to take it back, thinking that I can handle it when indeed I cannot, but right now, I am going to choose to let go and give it to you. Help me to keep doing that. Give it up, give it you. It belongs to you, anyway!