Wednesday, June 3, 2009

What I've Been Learning...

Tomorrow, my baby boy will be one month old. One month! Whew, the past four weeks have really gone by very quickly. Long days, quick weeks, one month already gone. I have had a lot on my mind and heart lately, and I want to record it mostly for myself. I want to be able to look back at this season and be reminded of what God is showing me now. Also, if there are other kiddos in our future, I know it will be helpful to look back at what's been happening in these early days.

Weeks one and two of Liam's life went much more smoothly than I anticipated. I think it was the adrenaline. I must have had lots of adrenaline coming out of delivery. I mean lots. I physically felt much better this go round than last time. I knew what to expect for my body's recovery, the milk coming in, etc. Nora did great those first two weeks (for the most part), and really things went really well. I found myself thinking, "Wow, this isn't so bad. It's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be." (Can't you just hear the lightning cracking in the background, doom pending?) We were so blessed to have my mom, my sister, and Jonathan's family here for help. Just having the company helped keep me motivated and encouraged and moving along. I was a bit nervous about how my first day alone with both kiddos would go, but you know, when it actually happened, it went great. I didn't even really realize that I had had my first day alone with them until that evening, and it was a night when Jonathan had to work late and didn't get home until after Nora was in bed.

The first two weeks, I feel like I was aware of God's sustaining power in me. As I would drift off for brief periods of sleep, I found myself talking to Him, asking for restful sleep no matter how brief it would be. Our mealtime prayers were reminders for me to ask for the Lord's help in getting through the day. I prayed for patience and joy for both Nora and myself, and God provided both of those things. Now, things were by NO means perfect or totally wondrous. I totally had my moments and a meltdown or two. However, weeks one and two weren't halfbad.

Then came week three. I reached the abyss last week. Thankfully, I am out of the abyss at the moment, but I truly feel that I needed to reach the abyss in order to humble me. The adrenaline wore off during week three. I remember Johanna telling me that weeks three and four are really hard because that's when the exhaustion really hits, and she was right. My patience bottomed out, my temper flared, and my mommy-guilt really kicked in. Last Friday, in particular, was pretty rough. There were lots of tears and hormones and tears. Thankfully, we had Care Group that night where our leader, Jason, really drew us out about how things were going on the homefront. Boy, did he open a can of worms! We were able to pour out our hearts to our Care Group family about our struggles about lack of sleep, lack of consistency with disciplining Nora, and a dozen other things. Most importantly, we were able to receive prayer from them. I have never felt so cared for! I feel like the Lord brought me (us) into the abyss so that we were humbled enough to ask for prayer from our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We are now in the midst of week four and things are looking up. The sleep situation hasn't changed all that much (although we've had a 4.5 hour stretch the past two nights). All I can say is that God is getting me though moment by moment. I do find that every day is getting a little easier. I know there will be rough days ahead and there will be easier days ahead. I also know that my two babies are growing faster than I want them to.

The most important thing--period--concerning my children is that they come to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. This thought usually strikes me as we are saying prayers with Nora before bedtime. It's in that moment that I realize that all of the things I have been stressing over all day--- the feeding schedule, Nora's attitude, getting the house in order, writing thank you notes--- aren't really all that important. I am so thankful that the Lord reminds me of this. I pray that He brings it to my mind more often, during the day, in the heat of a meltdown. I pray that my job as Momma is driven by this ultimate goal: that my children see in my a love for God and they ultimately come to love Him for themselves.

Finally, I know I am going to mess up. A lot. I do it about 100 times a day. I pray, though, that God will continue to keep me humble. Humble enough to repent and ask for forgiveness, ultimately for sinning against Him. But, I pray that I can ask forgiveness of my children. I had to do that with Nora the other day. I doubt she understood what I was doing, but she snuggled with me and hugged me anyway.

Ok, enough rambling. Life is good. We are blessed and are so much better off than we deserve. This season is flying by and I am so thankful for how the Lord has provided. We have the best family ever! We have the best Care Group ever! We have the best friends ever! We have the best Savior ever!


Anonymous said...

Aww Case! What sweet babies you have, and they have a WONDERFUL mother! I love you (and miss you)!! ;)

Melanie said...

thanks for filling us in on all this. Very helpful to me as I anticipate walking in your shoes in the upcoming weeks. And it's encouraging to read about how the Lord is humbling, encouraging and sustaining you in this season. I love you & hope we can hang out soon!