Four weeks. Wow. Four weeks with four kids. WOWWWW!
I know there are so many things about these days that I simply will not remember. I am tired and sleep-deprived and super busy and recovering from pregnancy. My brain just cannot keep up with all that's happening in our sweet little life. But there are so many sweet things, so many precious moments that have and are occurring. There are also really hard days, tough moments. Moments when my patience is thin, the kids are unruly, and the volume is way too loud. But, I wouldn't change a thing, I wouldn't miss a moment, and I wouldn't fast forward through these days to a time when we are all well-rested and recovered.
Jonathan is hard-working, committed, strong, and steadfast. We wakes early, helps me out in the little things like throwing together peanut butter sandwiches or leaving me a hot mug of coffee ready to go. He runs his business and cares for his patients, then comes homes to care for his children and tired wife. Some nights he takes the kids out to Chick-fil-a so I can have an hour to myself. Some nights he cleans the kitchen and bathes the children while I hold a fussy newborn. But, I have not hear him complain once. Not once.
Nora is so caring and so helpful and so sweet-hearted. She is flexible and funny and fills her role as big sister so well. She adores Evan and talks about wanting to "eat" him and how "squishy" he is. She loves to talk to him, hold him, compare her newborn pictures to him. We all think that at first he looked just like her. She is forgiving and understanding when her Momma is tired by the middle of the afternoon. Sometimes she'll just lay in my bed with me while I rest. She is such a gift and a friend to me.
Liam could not love his brother any more! He is proud and protective and provoking.....He cannot keep his hands off that baby. He enjoys holding Evan and imagining what they will be able to do together when Evan is bigger or when he, Daddy, and Evan can do "guy trips." He is spunky and loud and full of life and energy. At first I had to be tough on him and Stella because they just didn't understand the personal space and gentleness that babies need, so I think he was frustrated with me for keeping him "away" from Evan and also that so much of my attention was spent of Evan. But lately, he is my cuddle bug. When I wake up with Evan in the middle of the night, I always wake Liam up to go "pee pee" before I dive under the covers for a few more hours sleep. I love that I can once again pick him up and carry him to the potty. He's so long and heavy, and I know the time is limited that I will physically be able to carry him, but for now, I love it. I carry him to and from the bathroom in those wee hours and tuck him in. My favorite are the nights that he wakes up enough to softly say, "I love you, Momma" before I shut the door.
Stella is my little maternal mess. She honestly has no idea that she is two years old. It has not once occurred to her that she is any younger than Nora and Liam or in any way limited from doing all that they can. Her vocabulary explodes daily, and we are in that fun/not-so-fun stage where we are communicating much more. It's hard when she knows what she is saying but when we just have.no.clue. She loves Evan and still struggles keeping her hands off of him. All of his "things," in her mind, are really there for her. The bouncy seat, the pack-n-play, the swing. They are there for her use and for her "babies." She's such a little doll baby, and we enjoy her spunky personality so much.
Evan. Oh my sweet Evan. He is growing so fast, and there is a part of me that is just sad that it goes by in such a quick blur. I can literally feel him growing, feel the changes in his weight and in how his clothes fit. He's so much more alert these days, and I am so excited to see his smile for the first time. Around week two, he began to get fussy in the evenings and wanted to cluster feed every 2 hours or so. It's easier to walk through that when you know it won't last. Also, when you know it's your last baby. It's easier to just let him sleep on me instead of laying him down right away. It's easier to justify rocking him a few minutes longer because it's not every day I have an eleven day old or a four week old in my arms. He's doing such a great job with nursing, even though I cam pretty much drenched in milk most days and smell like spit up. There's such a sweetness to this stage, as hard as it is.
I want to remember these days and cherish them. We will one day sleep through the night. We may eventually get on a schedule. But for now, I just want to remember. I want to enjoy. I want to cherish. I want to soak it up. I want to be thankful for the chaos and the exhaustion and the desperation.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
A Baby Story: Evan's Arrival
It seems that from day one Evan has decided to march to the beat of his own drum. I had three of the "easiest" pregnancies with my first three babies, but from the start things were a bit different with Evan. I had low progesterone in the first trimester (which I did experience with Stella), at 20 weeks we found out about his cleft and my shortened cervical length, and then beginning around 24 weeks I was under care for preterm labor which means I had weekly ultrasounds up until I was 35 weeks pregnant. I failed my glucose test, then had to take the three-hour. I tested positive for a fetal fibronectin test at 24 weeks which means that it was likely I would go into labor within two weeks (YIKES!). But, then all of that ended up being for nothing because the Lord sustained Evan in my womb far beyond what we all anticipated.
I started to dilate around 34 weeks. I was 1 cm, then 3-4 cm. Then I jumped to 5 cm, and the nurse practitioner that I saw almost weekly thought I wouldn't make it but a few more days. So, I walked around for a week thinking that if I sneezed too hard I would pop out a baby, but alas nothing happened. I made it to 36 weeks. At my 37 week appointment, I was still at 5 cm but they weren't ready to admit me because my contractions weren't consistent. I decided then to stop walking around in that anxious state of anticipation, and I just enjoyed my last days of pregnancy. Those were my last days with just three children. Last days with Stella as my "baby." Last days of "sleep" (although we all know that late pregnancy doesn't equal good rest). All this time I was having lots of contractions, some very intense, some nights thinking "This is it." However, my contractions would slow down, we would make it through another night, and I was still pregnant.
My biggest "fear" with this delivery was that things would be chaotic. Let's face it, there's a lot to consider before I can just be admitted to the hospital. I have to make sure the kiddos are being cared for, whether that means someone comes to the house in the middle of the night or we have help getting them to and from school, etc. Also, when I went into labor spontaneously with Stella, I had extreme back labor that was very painful. I was not a very nice person, and rumor has it that I can turn into a little bit of a "potty mouth" when the going gets rough. How would all of that play out, say, in the middle of the afternoon. There were many what ifs and what would wes. My prayer was that it would all come together peacefully (and I really prayed hard that I would make it to the hospital in time to get my epidural). Selfish, I know.
On Tuesday, October 15, we spent out last day and night as a family of five. We had co-op at church, lunch at home, dinner as a family. Jonathan and Liam went and bought a new television for our living room because our old one (which we'd had for many, many moons) took no shorter than 15 minutes to turn on. It was time, people. While the boys were out, we girls painted our nails because it is a necessity to have pretty toes whilst pushing out a baby, right? It was a sweet time with my two little ladies. We tucked the kids into bed, and I prayed that I would make it through the night and to my doctor's appointment the next morning. I had been having contractions off and on for several days, but again, no consistency, no strengthening.
On Wednesday, October 16, I brought Liam to school and dropped Stella and Nora (on Fall Break) off to Granna and Geegaw's house. The plan was that if my appointment showed no progression then I would come get Stella and then pick up the other two once they got out of school. If my appointment, however, led me to get admited to the hospital, then the girls would already be with them and they could get Liam at dismissal. I checked into the appointment and was quickly ushered in to leave a sample and get weighed. As I was coming out of the restroom, I was greeted by my favorite nurse practitioner, Krista, and her nurse. I saw Krista at most of my appointments since I was going weekly, and we have gotten to know each other very well. Love her! She told me how shocked she was that I was there, still pregnant. My response was, "I know!" She gave me a squeeze and told me to tell her what the word was after seeing Dr. Yang.
A few minutes later I found myself in the room and Dr. Yang came in, asked how I was feeling whether or not I was ready. She quickly checked me and said that I had progressed to a 6 or 7 cm.
"Let's have a baby," she said. Okay! She didn't even want me to go home, but wanted me to head straight to the hospital (just down the street). Thankfully, I had my suitcase packed just in case. A few minutes later I called Jonathan to tell him it was baby day! He was so excited, and we quickly hung up so he could get out of the office, swing by the house for a few last minute things for himself, and meet me up there. I then called Paul and Joyce to tell them the news, and then I called my momma. About 20 minutes after my appointment time, I was parking my van in the hospital parking lot and pulling my suitcase and my pregnant self up the hill to the hospital entrance. It was quite funny and seemed ordinary, but it was Evan's birthday.
I checked in and was escorted to my room where I changed and got hooked up on monitors. Several nurses came in to get my medical history and important information, and I was started on an IV and some fluids. Jonathan arrived around 11:00 am, and I had left most of our things in the van, so he headed to get himself some lunch and come back with what we needed. By the time he got back, the anesthesiologist was there to give me my epidural (around noon). A bit later they nurse checked me and I was at 8 cm. She called Dr. Yang who came in just a few minutes later and broke my water. She said I hadn't really progressed past 8 so I asked if I could sit up to see if changing my position and putting pressure on my cervix caused me to dilate. At 1:20, the nurse came in to ask if I felt pressure or if I needed to push. I didn't think I did, so she said to call her if anything changed, but that if not, she would be back at 2:00 to check on me.
At 1:35, Jonathan called his parents who had just picked up Liam from school. We were so excited to hear his reaction about having his baby brother being born that day, so we wanted to hear his response over the phone. While Jonathan talked to his folks, I began to feel some changes and lots of pressure. I could still feel my contractions (although mostly pain-free), so as soon as Jonathan hung up the phone I told him we needed to call the nurse. That was at 1:42. The nurse quickly came in and checked me, and I was complete. "Let me get the doctor," she said. A whirlwind unfolded as everyone came in and got in position. I was ready to push and could feel everything I needed to know what was happening. It was a wonderful epidural and delivery...pain free, but I was still in control of my body. About three rounds of pushing (counting to ten), and our boy was here!
Evan came out screaming and as mad as a hornet! Dr. Yang asked if I wanted to hold him, and I so did! She dropped that messy, bloody, screaming baby boy in my arms and it was love! I just love that moment and would do it over and over again. We snuggled for a bit, but his body temperature was dropping and they needed to check him out, so they took him across the room to warm him and weigh him. Evan was 7 lbs, 2 oz. and measured 19.5 inches in length. He was just a few ounces bigger than his two sisters (who weighed 6.14 and 6.15). Liam was my biggest baby at 7.15. As I mentioned in my earlier post, it quickly became apparent that his lip was the only thing involved in his cleft, so once he got warm, I tried nursing him. That first time it didn't go so well, but about an hour or so later we tried again and he did great.
Later that afternoon, the kids came by to meet their baby brother. They all instantly adored him! I tried to immediately address Evan's cleft so that the kids wouldn't be upset or confused or anything, but even though I pointed it out, they hardly seemed to notice or care. All they saw was their baby brother that they loved. We had several friends visit us throughout our hospital stay, and my recovery was pretty "easy."
All in all, Jonathan and I both think that Evan's delivery was probably the best one. It was smooth, fairly quick, and I was so comfortable with the epidural and pushing and knowing what my body was supposed to do. The Lord truly answered my prayers and calmed all fears. There was no chaos. Evan and I were both healthy, and all of our needs were provided for!
I'm weird, I know, but I love the actual part of having the baby. Now, I don't know how much I'd love it minus my epidural, but childbirth truly is such a miracle. Even now, four weeks later, I cannot get over the fact that Evan was INSIDE me! Our God is amazing. Conception and pregnancy and delivery and raising babies.....it's beyond my comprehension. It definitely causes me to stand in awe of my Creator!
I started to dilate around 34 weeks. I was 1 cm, then 3-4 cm. Then I jumped to 5 cm, and the nurse practitioner that I saw almost weekly thought I wouldn't make it but a few more days. So, I walked around for a week thinking that if I sneezed too hard I would pop out a baby, but alas nothing happened. I made it to 36 weeks. At my 37 week appointment, I was still at 5 cm but they weren't ready to admit me because my contractions weren't consistent. I decided then to stop walking around in that anxious state of anticipation, and I just enjoyed my last days of pregnancy. Those were my last days with just three children. Last days with Stella as my "baby." Last days of "sleep" (although we all know that late pregnancy doesn't equal good rest). All this time I was having lots of contractions, some very intense, some nights thinking "This is it." However, my contractions would slow down, we would make it through another night, and I was still pregnant.
My biggest "fear" with this delivery was that things would be chaotic. Let's face it, there's a lot to consider before I can just be admitted to the hospital. I have to make sure the kiddos are being cared for, whether that means someone comes to the house in the middle of the night or we have help getting them to and from school, etc. Also, when I went into labor spontaneously with Stella, I had extreme back labor that was very painful. I was not a very nice person, and rumor has it that I can turn into a little bit of a "potty mouth" when the going gets rough. How would all of that play out, say, in the middle of the afternoon. There were many what ifs and what would wes. My prayer was that it would all come together peacefully (and I really prayed hard that I would make it to the hospital in time to get my epidural). Selfish, I know.
On Tuesday, October 15, we spent out last day and night as a family of five. We had co-op at church, lunch at home, dinner as a family. Jonathan and Liam went and bought a new television for our living room because our old one (which we'd had for many, many moons) took no shorter than 15 minutes to turn on. It was time, people. While the boys were out, we girls painted our nails because it is a necessity to have pretty toes whilst pushing out a baby, right? It was a sweet time with my two little ladies. We tucked the kids into bed, and I prayed that I would make it through the night and to my doctor's appointment the next morning. I had been having contractions off and on for several days, but again, no consistency, no strengthening.
On Wednesday, October 16, I brought Liam to school and dropped Stella and Nora (on Fall Break) off to Granna and Geegaw's house. The plan was that if my appointment showed no progression then I would come get Stella and then pick up the other two once they got out of school. If my appointment, however, led me to get admited to the hospital, then the girls would already be with them and they could get Liam at dismissal. I checked into the appointment and was quickly ushered in to leave a sample and get weighed. As I was coming out of the restroom, I was greeted by my favorite nurse practitioner, Krista, and her nurse. I saw Krista at most of my appointments since I was going weekly, and we have gotten to know each other very well. Love her! She told me how shocked she was that I was there, still pregnant. My response was, "I know!" She gave me a squeeze and told me to tell her what the word was after seeing Dr. Yang.
A few minutes later I found myself in the room and Dr. Yang came in, asked how I was feeling whether or not I was ready. She quickly checked me and said that I had progressed to a 6 or 7 cm.
"Let's have a baby," she said. Okay! She didn't even want me to go home, but wanted me to head straight to the hospital (just down the street). Thankfully, I had my suitcase packed just in case. A few minutes later I called Jonathan to tell him it was baby day! He was so excited, and we quickly hung up so he could get out of the office, swing by the house for a few last minute things for himself, and meet me up there. I then called Paul and Joyce to tell them the news, and then I called my momma. About 20 minutes after my appointment time, I was parking my van in the hospital parking lot and pulling my suitcase and my pregnant self up the hill to the hospital entrance. It was quite funny and seemed ordinary, but it was Evan's birthday.
I checked in and was escorted to my room where I changed and got hooked up on monitors. Several nurses came in to get my medical history and important information, and I was started on an IV and some fluids. Jonathan arrived around 11:00 am, and I had left most of our things in the van, so he headed to get himself some lunch and come back with what we needed. By the time he got back, the anesthesiologist was there to give me my epidural (around noon). A bit later they nurse checked me and I was at 8 cm. She called Dr. Yang who came in just a few minutes later and broke my water. She said I hadn't really progressed past 8 so I asked if I could sit up to see if changing my position and putting pressure on my cervix caused me to dilate. At 1:20, the nurse came in to ask if I felt pressure or if I needed to push. I didn't think I did, so she said to call her if anything changed, but that if not, she would be back at 2:00 to check on me.
At 1:35, Jonathan called his parents who had just picked up Liam from school. We were so excited to hear his reaction about having his baby brother being born that day, so we wanted to hear his response over the phone. While Jonathan talked to his folks, I began to feel some changes and lots of pressure. I could still feel my contractions (although mostly pain-free), so as soon as Jonathan hung up the phone I told him we needed to call the nurse. That was at 1:42. The nurse quickly came in and checked me, and I was complete. "Let me get the doctor," she said. A whirlwind unfolded as everyone came in and got in position. I was ready to push and could feel everything I needed to know what was happening. It was a wonderful epidural and delivery...pain free, but I was still in control of my body. About three rounds of pushing (counting to ten), and our boy was here!
Evan came out screaming and as mad as a hornet! Dr. Yang asked if I wanted to hold him, and I so did! She dropped that messy, bloody, screaming baby boy in my arms and it was love! I just love that moment and would do it over and over again. We snuggled for a bit, but his body temperature was dropping and they needed to check him out, so they took him across the room to warm him and weigh him. Evan was 7 lbs, 2 oz. and measured 19.5 inches in length. He was just a few ounces bigger than his two sisters (who weighed 6.14 and 6.15). Liam was my biggest baby at 7.15. As I mentioned in my earlier post, it quickly became apparent that his lip was the only thing involved in his cleft, so once he got warm, I tried nursing him. That first time it didn't go so well, but about an hour or so later we tried again and he did great.
Later that afternoon, the kids came by to meet their baby brother. They all instantly adored him! I tried to immediately address Evan's cleft so that the kids wouldn't be upset or confused or anything, but even though I pointed it out, they hardly seemed to notice or care. All they saw was their baby brother that they loved. We had several friends visit us throughout our hospital stay, and my recovery was pretty "easy."
All in all, Jonathan and I both think that Evan's delivery was probably the best one. It was smooth, fairly quick, and I was so comfortable with the epidural and pushing and knowing what my body was supposed to do. The Lord truly answered my prayers and calmed all fears. There was no chaos. Evan and I were both healthy, and all of our needs were provided for!
I'm weird, I know, but I love the actual part of having the baby. Now, I don't know how much I'd love it minus my epidural, but childbirth truly is such a miracle. Even now, four weeks later, I cannot get over the fact that Evan was INSIDE me! Our God is amazing. Conception and pregnancy and delivery and raising babies.....it's beyond my comprehension. It definitely causes me to stand in awe of my Creator!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Green Leaves.
This past January, the ladies in our small group began going through a book together called Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I first read this book many years ago when I found it at my parent's house one day during a particularly difficult season in my life---we were struggling with getting pregnant and I was very consumed and fearful about being able to have children. I read the book and learned so much and benefited tremendously from the wisdom and encouragement it provided. Since that time, I've referred to it over and over again. The past six months, as we've been going through this book together, I have rediscovered so much truth, so much application, and have grown in such depth of relationship with my girlfriends as the discussions of contentment (or lack thereof), fear, anxiety, and trusting the Lord have brought us together.
Never has this book been more timely than in the past six weeks or so. After reading several chapters on anxiety and how to walk out putting to death the sin of anxiety, the Lord has brought a trial into our family's life that has allowed me to put my faith to work. I am so thankful for the foresight the Lord had in having me be reminded of his commands, saying, "Do not fear!"
This morning, I woke up early to read and was slammed with a flood of encouragement from the Lord. I opened my Calm My Anxious Heart book to the next chapter in our assignment, and it immediately felt as if the chapter were written for me. For this season. For today, specifically. I am so blown away by the kindness of the Lord. I sense his care and friendship. He is so specific sometimes and so intentional, and I just want to remember this. He has been so faithful the past several weeks, even when I am not. He has carried me when I am low and sad and scared, and in the midst of all of those emotions, he has not left my side. I have sensed His presence, His voice, His sovereignty there, just patiently waiting to remind me of His goodness.
Here are somethings the Lord greeted me with this morning:
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Thus says the Lord:
Isaiah 41:10
fear not, for I am with you;
Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
The Lord is trustworthy. I can trust him with my life, my circumstances, and the future because I trust HIM and his character and his heart. I can thank God that He has everything under control and that He is orchestrating all things.
Finally, this quote:
I know I am being vague in this post regarding specifics, but there will be a time when I share specifically the things these words reference. Thank you for your patience.
In the meantime, I am praying that my leaves will stay green!
Never has this book been more timely than in the past six weeks or so. After reading several chapters on anxiety and how to walk out putting to death the sin of anxiety, the Lord has brought a trial into our family's life that has allowed me to put my faith to work. I am so thankful for the foresight the Lord had in having me be reminded of his commands, saying, "Do not fear!"
This morning, I woke up early to read and was slammed with a flood of encouragement from the Lord. I opened my Calm My Anxious Heart book to the next chapter in our assignment, and it immediately felt as if the chapter were written for me. For this season. For today, specifically. I am so blown away by the kindness of the Lord. I sense his care and friendship. He is so specific sometimes and so intentional, and I just want to remember this. He has been so faithful the past several weeks, even when I am not. He has carried me when I am low and sad and scared, and in the midst of all of those emotions, he has not left my side. I have sensed His presence, His voice, His sovereignty there, just patiently waiting to remind me of His goodness.
Here are somethings the Lord greeted me with this morning:
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Thus says the Lord:
whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.”
The author of the book wrote a prayer based on these verses that she prayed over and over again during a long trial, which I am copying and planning to make my heart's prayer during this time:
Here are some other scriptures from the chapter that build my faith:Please, God, teach me what it means to not only trust You but make You my total trust. I long to become that blessed woman whose roots are planted deep by Your river. As the heat of the trials increase, I long to trust instead of fear, to be content instead of anxious. Please keep my eyes focused on You so that my leaves will stay green and fruit will be produced in the midst of the what ifs, the trials, and the hardest days ahead.
Isaiah 41:10
fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
Psalm 141:8
Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
The Lord is trustworthy. I can trust him with my life, my circumstances, and the future because I trust HIM and his character and his heart. I can thank God that He has everything under control and that He is orchestrating all things.
Finally, this quote:
"Neither go back in fear and misgiving to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future, but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but His." H. E. Manning, as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot in her book Keep and Quiet Heart
I know I am being vague in this post regarding specifics, but there will be a time when I share specifically the things these words reference. Thank you for your patience.
In the meantime, I am praying that my leaves will stay green!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Encouraging Reads
Recently, I have come across a few articles online that have been very encouraging and thought-provoking. In case you missed me sharing them on Facebook, I thought I would post them here. They are both simple and short, so if you have a few minutes, read them! I pray they warm your soul.
Ordinary Days
What is the greatest gift you can give to your kids? Ordinary days. Holidays, big events, graduations....those are all great days to be present. But it's the ordinary days that are extraordinary.
How to Find Quiet Time With God When There is No Quiet Time
I know my quiet times with the Lord are taken one day at a time. Sometimes I totally miss it. Sometimes I go weeks. Thankful for the sweet reminder of truth.
And just for something funny, watch this:
Ordinary Days
What is the greatest gift you can give to your kids? Ordinary days. Holidays, big events, graduations....those are all great days to be present. But it's the ordinary days that are extraordinary.
How to Find Quiet Time With God When There is No Quiet Time
I know my quiet times with the Lord are taken one day at a time. Sometimes I totally miss it. Sometimes I go weeks. Thankful for the sweet reminder of truth.
And just for something funny, watch this:
Sunday, March 3, 2013
The Season of Sowing
As a wife and mother of three small children, I am in a season of
sowing. This a wonderful time, filled with laughter and adventure and
the joy that only a house bustling with little people can bring. This
season requires love and sacrifice as we pour into the lives of the
children God has blessed us with. But this season is one of
anticipation. We do not see many immediate results; in may regards, our
harvest may be years away.
In reality, these are very long days. Most days are full of much joy, but these days are also filled with lots of caring, lots of discipline, lots of schooling, lots of training, little sleep, little reaping of sowing. There are so many precious moments with my little loves, but this season has also shown me lots of sin in myself, lots of sin in my children, and a very keen awareness of the need that we each have for a Savior.
My children are only 5, 3 and 1. The truth is, I am just at the beginning of this season of life, and it can be easy for me to be discouraged as I consider living out these long days for the next ten to fifteen years or longer. Discouragement leads to weariness, and weariness leads to discontentment. Fear finds its way into my heart as I look ahead at the years that are to come, wondering if I can possibly remain faithful to this tremendous task that the Lord has called me to.
Will I possibly have the strength to persevere through these years?
Is this investment worth the sacrifice?
I am not seeing any change in my children. Am I doing this right? What am I doing wrong?
How do I know that I will one day reap a harvest?
Our heavenly Father desires to encourage us in this season. He has so many wonderful promises in his Word to help us keep our focus on Him and His purposes during the years of investing in our children.
2 Corinthians 9:6-8 says, "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. [. . .] And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."
Also, Galatians 6:7-9 reminds us of the Lord's faithfulness:
"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh, will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Let us hold fast to the promises of our God! Let us sow bountifully in the hearts of our children because our God promises that we will reap what we sow! And he is faithful to provide all of the grace, all of the energy, all of the wisdom, and all of the strength to pour ourselves out into our most precious little gifts.
In reality, these are very long days. Most days are full of much joy, but these days are also filled with lots of caring, lots of discipline, lots of schooling, lots of training, little sleep, little reaping of sowing. There are so many precious moments with my little loves, but this season has also shown me lots of sin in myself, lots of sin in my children, and a very keen awareness of the need that we each have for a Savior.
My children are only 5, 3 and 1. The truth is, I am just at the beginning of this season of life, and it can be easy for me to be discouraged as I consider living out these long days for the next ten to fifteen years or longer. Discouragement leads to weariness, and weariness leads to discontentment. Fear finds its way into my heart as I look ahead at the years that are to come, wondering if I can possibly remain faithful to this tremendous task that the Lord has called me to.
Will I possibly have the strength to persevere through these years?
Is this investment worth the sacrifice?
I am not seeing any change in my children. Am I doing this right? What am I doing wrong?
How do I know that I will one day reap a harvest?
Our heavenly Father desires to encourage us in this season. He has so many wonderful promises in his Word to help us keep our focus on Him and His purposes during the years of investing in our children.
2 Corinthians 9:6-8 says, "The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. [. . .] And God is able to make all grace abound to you so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."
Also, Galatians 6:7-9 reminds us of the Lord's faithfulness:
"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh, will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
Let us hold fast to the promises of our God! Let us sow bountifully in the hearts of our children because our God promises that we will reap what we sow! And he is faithful to provide all of the grace, all of the energy, all of the wisdom, and all of the strength to pour ourselves out into our most precious little gifts.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Senses.
These days.....
I see toys scattered all over the living room, stacks of library books on the hearth of the fireplace, sippy cups on their side with milk puddles forming on crumb-speckled floors, my boy's big dump truck piled high with other cars and toys, a baby gate blocking the staircase, pumpkins and mums outside our front door, dress shirts and ties from my man who provides wonderfully for our family, tiny fingerprints on my windows, toothpaste residue lining my sinks, big girl sitting at the kitchen table working on her school, artwork on my fridge and counters and walls, baby girl standing on the stool in the bathroom watching herself brush her teeth, a load of laundry resting on the couch. Signs of little, lively life are visible everywhere.
I hear lots of loud squeals and screeches as boy and girl play chase downstairs, shoes being thrown from the top of the stairs down to the bottom, baby girl calling my name because she can't find her toothbrush or it's lacking some toothpaste, Christmas music playing in the background, Nora reading her books while sitting on the couch, little footsteps coming downstairs in the early mornings, my name being called for the bazillionth time as one little boy fights naptime, big brother and sister warning me that Stella is on the stairs again, hubby opening the door from the garage to the house letting us know he's home from a long day's work. Sounds of littleness, sweetness, and growing up.
I smell seasonal scents as I keep a candle lit with a comforting fragrance, fireplaces and firepits lit with burning wood, dinner simmering away in the kitchen, my boy's neck as he's been sprayed with his daddy's cologne, baby's head just after her nap, three littles fresh out of the tub permeating with the scent of apples and strawberries, yummy chocolate as the last few pieces of Halloween candy still remain in the house, fresh popped popcorn as we settle in for family movie night, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch boxes, the fragrance of my husband hours after he's left for work. Smells that will always trigger memories of these flying-by days.
I taste apples that we share at least once a day, cups of coffee reheated in the microwave a few times because I can't manage to keep it hot enough, chocolate chip and blueberry waffles first thing in the morning, my favorite lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese for days when it's cold and dreary, my first peppermint mocha of the season, little lips smothered with melted chocolate that were intent on giving me kisses. Fortaste of the joy and heartache one feels as they realize their babies are growing up way too fast.
I touch schoolbooks and readers as I load them into Nora's backpack, little arms and hands as I tuck them into fleece jackets, Liam's cowlick right in front that without fail causes a smile to form in my mouth, Stella's shoes as she asks to wear them every moment she's awake, carseat buckles as we get in and out of the van, the hand of my husband and best friend as we ride along in the van, sandwich bread and pretzels and jello and ziplock bags as I make lunches on early mornings, blonde hair with fingers to form precise braids and pigtails for my Nora girl, lips to forehead as I send them off to their classroom, my baby's little frame holding tight onto my hip as much as I can because I know the days where she'll let me are fleeting, little reminders of God's grace and God's mercy and God's love for me in the form of miniature angels and agents on a heavenly mission they are unaware of. Touches that fill my heart with love and thanksgiving.
I know a love like I've never known before for the Lord, for my husband, for my children. I know I am blessed and undeserving and forgiven and not condemned for my failures. I know I am needy and sinful and restored and renewed daily. I know I am dependent and loved and helped and guided by the Spirit. I know I am called and led. I know I have THE husband and THE children that the Lord has given me because they are THE perfect things in life that will draw me closer to the Lord.
I see toys scattered all over the living room, stacks of library books on the hearth of the fireplace, sippy cups on their side with milk puddles forming on crumb-speckled floors, my boy's big dump truck piled high with other cars and toys, a baby gate blocking the staircase, pumpkins and mums outside our front door, dress shirts and ties from my man who provides wonderfully for our family, tiny fingerprints on my windows, toothpaste residue lining my sinks, big girl sitting at the kitchen table working on her school, artwork on my fridge and counters and walls, baby girl standing on the stool in the bathroom watching herself brush her teeth, a load of laundry resting on the couch. Signs of little, lively life are visible everywhere.
I hear lots of loud squeals and screeches as boy and girl play chase downstairs, shoes being thrown from the top of the stairs down to the bottom, baby girl calling my name because she can't find her toothbrush or it's lacking some toothpaste, Christmas music playing in the background, Nora reading her books while sitting on the couch, little footsteps coming downstairs in the early mornings, my name being called for the bazillionth time as one little boy fights naptime, big brother and sister warning me that Stella is on the stairs again, hubby opening the door from the garage to the house letting us know he's home from a long day's work. Sounds of littleness, sweetness, and growing up.
I smell seasonal scents as I keep a candle lit with a comforting fragrance, fireplaces and firepits lit with burning wood, dinner simmering away in the kitchen, my boy's neck as he's been sprayed with his daddy's cologne, baby's head just after her nap, three littles fresh out of the tub permeating with the scent of apples and strawberries, yummy chocolate as the last few pieces of Halloween candy still remain in the house, fresh popped popcorn as we settle in for family movie night, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch boxes, the fragrance of my husband hours after he's left for work. Smells that will always trigger memories of these flying-by days.
I taste apples that we share at least once a day, cups of coffee reheated in the microwave a few times because I can't manage to keep it hot enough, chocolate chip and blueberry waffles first thing in the morning, my favorite lunch of tomato soup and grilled cheese for days when it's cold and dreary, my first peppermint mocha of the season, little lips smothered with melted chocolate that were intent on giving me kisses. Fortaste of the joy and heartache one feels as they realize their babies are growing up way too fast.
I touch schoolbooks and readers as I load them into Nora's backpack, little arms and hands as I tuck them into fleece jackets, Liam's cowlick right in front that without fail causes a smile to form in my mouth, Stella's shoes as she asks to wear them every moment she's awake, carseat buckles as we get in and out of the van, the hand of my husband and best friend as we ride along in the van, sandwich bread and pretzels and jello and ziplock bags as I make lunches on early mornings, blonde hair with fingers to form precise braids and pigtails for my Nora girl, lips to forehead as I send them off to their classroom, my baby's little frame holding tight onto my hip as much as I can because I know the days where she'll let me are fleeting, little reminders of God's grace and God's mercy and God's love for me in the form of miniature angels and agents on a heavenly mission they are unaware of. Touches that fill my heart with love and thanksgiving.
I know a love like I've never known before for the Lord, for my husband, for my children. I know I am blessed and undeserving and forgiven and not condemned for my failures. I know I am needy and sinful and restored and renewed daily. I know I am dependent and loved and helped and guided by the Spirit. I know I am called and led. I know I have THE husband and THE children that the Lord has given me because they are THE perfect things in life that will draw me closer to the Lord.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
These are the days
Sorry I haven't posted lately, but we have been having Internet issues here the past few weeks. I'm not sure what "they" did but things seems to be working more smoothly so we can check email and watch Netflix! Anyway, our summer is just breezing by and I am so enjoying our time with family and friends and even some new friends!
In just a few weeks our lives are about to change a good bit as Nora begins Kindergarten and Liam starts preschool. I am trying to cherish every single second with them this summer because I know that we will be spending more time apart as they are in school and that is going to be a big adjustment for me.
Nora is going to be doing a co-op at Cedar Springs Presbyterian here in Knoxville. Basically she will be in school three days a week and then will be homeschooled the other two days a week. We thought and prayed long and hard over our options of schooling Nora and Jonathan and I are both really excited about this year. Nora is thrilled about starting Kindergarten, and I know she will love the classroom setting. I am excited for her to experience that, and I am also looking forward to some individual time with her on the days where we'll be doing homeschool here. I am working at organizing a school space at home, and I've even hit up The School Box where I picked up some fun classroom posters and decor to make it all the more special. The mothers involved in the co-op we are doing are very helpful and have a great little community together. They have set up playdates all throughout the summer so that the students in Nora's class can get together and get to know each other prior to school beginning. We have only been able to make it to one due to schedule conflicts, but I've enjoyed getting to know the other mothers and look forward to utilizing their knowledge and growing in friendship with them.
Liam will be going to preschool this year for the first time. I think it will be really good for him to have a bit of structure a few days a week, but I know I will miss my time with him as well. I am trying to prepare him as much as possible so we talk about "school" often and try to discuss what he'll be doing there. I do, however, expect him to have a hard time at first. He is quite attached so I know he may have a difficult adjustment, but I know the Lord will see us through!
Stella will be spending some more one on one time with Momma while the other two are in school, and I anticipate that precious time with her. She's changing so much each day and is growing so quickly. I am trying to cherish every little fun thing, and even the difficult things I am trying to appreciate. For example, Stella has recently been bitten by the Mommy-itis bug! The separation anxiety has started to rear it's head. Honestly, sometimes my arms get tired from holding my little bundle or I may find it hard to cook dinner without scorching her or myself whilst trying to hold her and multitask. But, there is that still small voice in my mind reminding me how fleeting these moments with her are. These days are numbered. I've seen it happen twice already. I know how quickly they grow up and how they go from wanting to be held all the time to not stopping still long enough for me to catch them in an embrace. I keep trying to cling to that thought. I pick up that baby girl sitting at my feet with her arms outstretched. I kiss those cheeks and squeeze her tight, even if in my selfishness there's something else I feel may be more important in that moment.
These are the days of my life. They are busy this summer, but we are having so much fun. I am really enjoying the day to day, the heat, the play, the routine, the lack of routine. I am enjoying the late mornings, having Liam sleep in my bed if he wakes up too early, reading books before naptime. I know there's a lot of change around the corner so I want to make sure I eat up every moment with them that I can and savor THIS season. THIS summer. I'm so thankful for my three loves!
In just a few weeks our lives are about to change a good bit as Nora begins Kindergarten and Liam starts preschool. I am trying to cherish every single second with them this summer because I know that we will be spending more time apart as they are in school and that is going to be a big adjustment for me.
Nora is going to be doing a co-op at Cedar Springs Presbyterian here in Knoxville. Basically she will be in school three days a week and then will be homeschooled the other two days a week. We thought and prayed long and hard over our options of schooling Nora and Jonathan and I are both really excited about this year. Nora is thrilled about starting Kindergarten, and I know she will love the classroom setting. I am excited for her to experience that, and I am also looking forward to some individual time with her on the days where we'll be doing homeschool here. I am working at organizing a school space at home, and I've even hit up The School Box where I picked up some fun classroom posters and decor to make it all the more special. The mothers involved in the co-op we are doing are very helpful and have a great little community together. They have set up playdates all throughout the summer so that the students in Nora's class can get together and get to know each other prior to school beginning. We have only been able to make it to one due to schedule conflicts, but I've enjoyed getting to know the other mothers and look forward to utilizing their knowledge and growing in friendship with them.
Liam will be going to preschool this year for the first time. I think it will be really good for him to have a bit of structure a few days a week, but I know I will miss my time with him as well. I am trying to prepare him as much as possible so we talk about "school" often and try to discuss what he'll be doing there. I do, however, expect him to have a hard time at first. He is quite attached so I know he may have a difficult adjustment, but I know the Lord will see us through!
Stella will be spending some more one on one time with Momma while the other two are in school, and I anticipate that precious time with her. She's changing so much each day and is growing so quickly. I am trying to cherish every little fun thing, and even the difficult things I am trying to appreciate. For example, Stella has recently been bitten by the Mommy-itis bug! The separation anxiety has started to rear it's head. Honestly, sometimes my arms get tired from holding my little bundle or I may find it hard to cook dinner without scorching her or myself whilst trying to hold her and multitask. But, there is that still small voice in my mind reminding me how fleeting these moments with her are. These days are numbered. I've seen it happen twice already. I know how quickly they grow up and how they go from wanting to be held all the time to not stopping still long enough for me to catch them in an embrace. I keep trying to cling to that thought. I pick up that baby girl sitting at my feet with her arms outstretched. I kiss those cheeks and squeeze her tight, even if in my selfishness there's something else I feel may be more important in that moment.
These are the days of my life. They are busy this summer, but we are having so much fun. I am really enjoying the day to day, the heat, the play, the routine, the lack of routine. I am enjoying the late mornings, having Liam sleep in my bed if he wakes up too early, reading books before naptime. I know there's a lot of change around the corner so I want to make sure I eat up every moment with them that I can and savor THIS season. THIS summer. I'm so thankful for my three loves!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Prayers for My Children
“By the power of the blood of Jesus Christ, bring every thought and
imagination of my child’s mind, every emotion of his heart, every deed
of his hands, and every step that he takes under Your Lordship. Lead him
to love You with all of his heart, mind, and soul, and his neighbor as
himself.”
I came across this article this morning by a mother praying for her prodigal son. I found her prayer for her son so beautiful and at the heart of what I want and need to pray for my little ones. Lest I forget that their hearts are ultimately in hands of our Father and not in mine. God calls me to teach and to train and to love and to care, but He is the maker and molder of their hearts. I pray that He gives me faith to rest in that knowledge and equips me to all that He is calling me to.
I came across this article this morning by a mother praying for her prodigal son. I found her prayer for her son so beautiful and at the heart of what I want and need to pray for my little ones. Lest I forget that their hearts are ultimately in hands of our Father and not in mine. God calls me to teach and to train and to love and to care, but He is the maker and molder of their hearts. I pray that He gives me faith to rest in that knowledge and equips me to all that He is calling me to.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Fruit of the Spirit
So, I know that it appears that I have totally abandoned this blog, but I promise I have not. Between the move, the three lively kiddos that roam this house, and all of this beautiful weather we've been having, life has been busy and has yet to slow down. I have so much to update about including our new abode, a quick family visit to Mississippi and New Orleans, and growing children, but that will have to wait. I do, however, have a precious story to report about our about-to-be-three-years-old son.
Last night as I was putting Liam to bed, I had him repeat the fruit of the spirit with me. I asked him to repeat after me:
"The fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are things that God gives you."
We went through this whole thing about four times, and he loved repeating after me with much volume and gusto and expression. His favorite thing to say was self-control (ironically, the area he probably needs the Lord's most help with at the moment). So, I kissed him good night, gave him a good tucking in, and heading downstairs to finish cleaning the kitchen.
A few minutes later Jonathan and I were downstairs when we started hearing Liam talk through the monitor that sits on the kitchen counter. At first it appeared that he was just talking to his entourage of stuffed "people" in his bed, but then I heard it:
".....{mumble, mumble, mumble}.....gentleness....{mumble}......"
"Jonathan, listen!"
".....kindness, gentleness......{long pause}......kindness, gentleness,....{pause}....oh my goodness, gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL."
We were crying we were laughing so hard! What a sweet, precious boy we have. I love how he puts things together in his mind and how much he makes us smile and laugh (among other things). ;)
Once he had composed himself, Jonathan said, "Oh, I love that boy. I sure hope it sticks one day."
We are praying for this little man who turns three on Friday. Praying that the Lord fans the flame in his heart to know and love Him. Praying that He grows much fruit of the Holy Spirit in Liam's life. Training his heart that loves to be silly and stubborn and strong-willed to be those things for the glory of God. Stubborn for the Gospel, holding firm in his love for God and Jesus Christ, not being swayed by the ways of the world and fear of man. May he remain kind and gentle and affectionate. May he maintain that sweet smile and disarming disposition that will draw others to himself and to the Lord.
In the meantime, we are taking baby steps with this boy! And need all of the grace and fruit of the Spirit that the Lord will lavish on us to do so.
photos courtesy of Suzanne McNeil Photography
Last night as I was putting Liam to bed, I had him repeat the fruit of the spirit with me. I asked him to repeat after me:
"The fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These are things that God gives you."
We went through this whole thing about four times, and he loved repeating after me with much volume and gusto and expression. His favorite thing to say was self-control (ironically, the area he probably needs the Lord's most help with at the moment). So, I kissed him good night, gave him a good tucking in, and heading downstairs to finish cleaning the kitchen.
A few minutes later Jonathan and I were downstairs when we started hearing Liam talk through the monitor that sits on the kitchen counter. At first it appeared that he was just talking to his entourage of stuffed "people" in his bed, but then I heard it:
".....{mumble, mumble, mumble}.....gentleness....{mumble}......"
"Jonathan, listen!"
".....kindness, gentleness......{long pause}......kindness, gentleness,....{pause}....oh my goodness, gentleness, and SELF-CONTROL."
We were crying we were laughing so hard! What a sweet, precious boy we have. I love how he puts things together in his mind and how much he makes us smile and laugh (among other things). ;)
Once he had composed himself, Jonathan said, "Oh, I love that boy. I sure hope it sticks one day."
We are praying for this little man who turns three on Friday. Praying that the Lord fans the flame in his heart to know and love Him. Praying that He grows much fruit of the Holy Spirit in Liam's life. Training his heart that loves to be silly and stubborn and strong-willed to be those things for the glory of God. Stubborn for the Gospel, holding firm in his love for God and Jesus Christ, not being swayed by the ways of the world and fear of man. May he remain kind and gentle and affectionate. May he maintain that sweet smile and disarming disposition that will draw others to himself and to the Lord.
In the meantime, we are taking baby steps with this boy! And need all of the grace and fruit of the Spirit that the Lord will lavish on us to do so.
photos courtesy of Suzanne McNeil Photography
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Strong Willed.
I noticed a friend posted a link to this article earlier today. It was just what I needed to hear as I struggle with my own strong-willed little one. I love what the author said about not praying that the Lord would weaken the strong will, but that He will redeem it for His glory and purposes. That is my prayer as it seems that the Lord sees it best to give me strong-willed little ones! I love them so much!
Check out this article.
Let’s pray for our children, for an end to their rebellion, and a delight in godly submission to authority. Let’s never wish their wills were weaker, but instead pray with hope that their strong wills get redeemed.
Check out this article.
Let’s pray for our children, for an end to their rebellion, and a delight in godly submission to authority. Let’s never wish their wills were weaker, but instead pray with hope that their strong wills get redeemed.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Lately.
I feel like life with three has been so busy that I hardly find time to sit down and record what's going on with my little family. I rarely take my camera out to take pictures of the kids, and I am getting behind in writing down what life is like for us right now. In many ways, our days are very much the same as they have always been, but the kids change so much daily that it's easy to miss all that they are doing. In all honesty, I find it hard for words to describe just how precious they are!
Nora, as I know I have said many times before, is just maturing so much. She is such a young lady, and she has such a desire to help and serve. She often looks for ways to help me, whether it's to bring me a burp cloth for Stella or to go get a toy for one of her siblings to play with. She is capable of so many things: helping to unload the dishwasher, helping to cook, getting herself dressed, etc. I don't take these things for granted! With two other ones that need me to do everything for them, I am so thankful for Nora's ability and independence, and she has grown so much in doing these things joyfully. One thing that she has done several times now just makes my heart melt. There have been a few times that I am leaving the house in the evening (for a hair appointment or a baby shower, etc.), leaving Jonathan to care for all three kiddos. Nora offers to go pick out "jammers" for all three of the kids (herself, Stella and Liam). She will go to each room, grab all that is needed for pjs, and puts them out so they are easy for Daddy to find.
Apart from her being such a fabulous big sister, Nora loves to play pretend. Her big thing these days is to pretend she's a waitress in a restaurant. She loves to take orders, bring you food and drink, take requests for desserts, etc. She plays this while at home and even when we are out to eat. She also likes to pretend she's going grocery shopping. I give her a piece of paper and she'll "make a list" of the things she going to get, then she "shops' around the house. She often comes up to me with an object and asks me how much it costs or if it is on sale. Then she checks herself out, puts things away, and does it all over again. (Liam plays along too but basically just copies her). Nora LOVES (and this cannot be overstated) to color. Oh.my.goodness. If she had her way, someone would be sitting with her at the kitchen table all day long coloring. It's so precious!
It's crazy to me to think how much Liam is changing and has changed just in the time since Stella was born. His ability to talk and communicate has just exploded. He has inherited the Bradshaw "chatty gene" and loves to talk to others, but there is also a side of him that is cautious and studious of new people and environments where he'll be shy. Liam is a HAM. If he has any inkling that something is funny, he will grab on to that thing and repeat it. He's so silly. He kinda, sorta gets the concept of knock-knock jokes and that they are supposed to be funny and make you laugh. So, he'll make them up all the time and of course most of the time they are not really funny, but he laughs with a belly laugh all the same. We've tried to teach him some legit knock-knock jokes, so he now has a few in his repertoire. My favorite one so far is:
Knock. Knock.
Who's There?
Shelby.
Shelby who?
She'll be..... coming around the mountain when she comes!
He loves that one! Liam also loves to play pretend, which is great when he and Nora play together. He brings his Woody and Buzz and Nora brings her princesses or baby dolls and they play pretend together. When Liam plays pretend, it usually involves his people going to Chick-fil-a. Or going to Geegaw's house. That's what everyone does. Every time. LEGOs have become a big deal in our house. In fact, I think we need to get a few more LEGOs because we have just enough for one kid to build something really cool, but if they have to play together there really aren't enough and they usually end up fighting for the bigger pieces, so maybe we'll get some more in the near future.
We have finally started seeing some fruit in Liam. For a while there, things were pretty tough. First of all, we had a lot of sleep issues for several months. Thankfully, those have completely resolved. I'm still not certain what all was going on with that, but he seems to have gotten over waking up multiple times in the night. He may occasionally wake very early in the morning screaming, but he usually goes back to sleep once we go in and cover him up. We have seen much growth in him, as well, in the area of discipline. I don't know what it was: being all boy, being two, being the middle child, adjusting to having a baby in the family. Maybe it was just the Lord's way of bringing me and Jonathan closer to Him, but for a while, we were having a hard time. Liam was not "getting it." He can be very stubborn and very resistant to authority, so we were having to be very consistent with discipline and correction. There were many times when I would just cry to Jonathan or to a friend that I just didn't understand why this was happening, questioning our methods of raising our son because we weren't seeing ANY changes in him. I remember one evening I was trying to cook dinner in the kitchen and wrangle all three of the children before Jonathan got home from work. While Stella was content in the bouncy seat and Nora was doing something else, Liam joined me in the kitchen. He started digging in my utensil drawer so I asked him to stop because it wasn't safe for him. So he stopped and moved directly to the dishwasher, opening and slamming the door and pushing all of the buttons. I asked him to stop doing that and to leave it alone, several times. Finally, he stopped and moved on to playing near the hot stove. Then he moved on to something else. Seriously, in about 30 seconds he intentionally tried to get into all of the things in the kitchen he was not supposed to. He was definitely testing me, but I was just so worn out after having dealt with similar patterns all day long. This seemed to be a summary of every day. Our days were long and difficult, and I allowed myself to get to the point where I wasn't enjoying him. I was so busy disciplining and constantly correcting him that I wasn't enjoying him anymore, and when I realized that, I was heart-broken. Liam is the sweetest boy. He is so cuddly and fun and sensitive; he's full of energy and life and joy. But he's also a sinner, and I was taking his rebellion and his resistance to my authority very personally.
I feel like the Lord has been slowly doing a work in my heart in this area. I can't really explain how or when or where it happened, but my heart toward my boy has and is changing. I do enjoy Liam so much. God has been faithful and kind to our attempts at training and disciplining Liam, and we are seeing much fruit these days. Granted, we have lots of disobedience still and struggles with hitting/pinching/bullying other kiddos at church. Through all of this I say that parenting has drawn me closer to the Lord. Being a momma helps me to realize that I cannot do this job in my own strength and determination. Well, I guess I could. But, I would never have joy or patience or kindness without the Lord doing those things in me. I would never be able to overcome my frustration or anger or love of comfort without His doing that work in me. I have seen so much about myself revealed! You know, when my kids disobey, what I really want is for it to stop and just go away. I like a life of ease. I want my kids to play well together, be kind to others, sleep great, eat whatever I put in front of them, and do all things without complaining and arguing. Wouldn't that be awesome!? Life would be so much easier (for me and them) if they just did what I asked them, but they don't. They don't because they are sinners, like everyone. They don't because they cannot. They are affected by the Fall just like I am and they are in desperate need of a Savior.
I'm reading a great book right now that is really helping me to grasp all of these things. It's called "Give Them Grace" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I'm only a few chapters in, but this book is soaked in the Gospel and constantly oozes out reminders of grace and God's love and mercy. It's perfect for this season of life we are in and will be in for many years to come.
Finally, let me talk quickly about my Stella. Oh my, do we love this baby girl! She is just the sweetest! She turned eight months last week which is just beyond my comprehension. She is getting so big and is learning all kinds of new things. As of just a few weeks ago, she is completely weaned. She is sleeping through the night consistently, taking four bottles a day, and eating lots of table foods. She still doesn't have any teeth, but that doesn't stop her one bit from eating most things. I have a feeling that crawling is on the horizon. She still rolls to get where she wants, but she loves to get on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth; it won't be long. Stella has also found her voice and loves to make loud noises to join in with her brother and sister. Her favorite sound is growling! Stella takes two two+ hour naps a day. The first one she goes down for about an hour after she wakes. I usually have to wake her for lunch, then she goes back down for nap at the same time Nora and Liam do. Praise the Lord, I have been having some quiet time to myself during the afternoon to rest, catch up on housework, read or watch Downton Abbey! She loves to spend her awake time playing with toys, blowing raspberries, and rolling around the floor. She adores her brother and sister, and they have both learned just recently how to hold her and give her a bottle! Such helpers!
Oh, I could go on and on about my trio. God is very kind to us and has blessed us with these little arrows in our quiver. They shoot straight into my heart and help me cling to the Lord more than ever. I am so thankful for them!
Nora, as I know I have said many times before, is just maturing so much. She is such a young lady, and she has such a desire to help and serve. She often looks for ways to help me, whether it's to bring me a burp cloth for Stella or to go get a toy for one of her siblings to play with. She is capable of so many things: helping to unload the dishwasher, helping to cook, getting herself dressed, etc. I don't take these things for granted! With two other ones that need me to do everything for them, I am so thankful for Nora's ability and independence, and she has grown so much in doing these things joyfully. One thing that she has done several times now just makes my heart melt. There have been a few times that I am leaving the house in the evening (for a hair appointment or a baby shower, etc.), leaving Jonathan to care for all three kiddos. Nora offers to go pick out "jammers" for all three of the kids (herself, Stella and Liam). She will go to each room, grab all that is needed for pjs, and puts them out so they are easy for Daddy to find.
Apart from her being such a fabulous big sister, Nora loves to play pretend. Her big thing these days is to pretend she's a waitress in a restaurant. She loves to take orders, bring you food and drink, take requests for desserts, etc. She plays this while at home and even when we are out to eat. She also likes to pretend she's going grocery shopping. I give her a piece of paper and she'll "make a list" of the things she going to get, then she "shops' around the house. She often comes up to me with an object and asks me how much it costs or if it is on sale. Then she checks herself out, puts things away, and does it all over again. (Liam plays along too but basically just copies her). Nora LOVES (and this cannot be overstated) to color. Oh.my.goodness. If she had her way, someone would be sitting with her at the kitchen table all day long coloring. It's so precious!
It's crazy to me to think how much Liam is changing and has changed just in the time since Stella was born. His ability to talk and communicate has just exploded. He has inherited the Bradshaw "chatty gene" and loves to talk to others, but there is also a side of him that is cautious and studious of new people and environments where he'll be shy. Liam is a HAM. If he has any inkling that something is funny, he will grab on to that thing and repeat it. He's so silly. He kinda, sorta gets the concept of knock-knock jokes and that they are supposed to be funny and make you laugh. So, he'll make them up all the time and of course most of the time they are not really funny, but he laughs with a belly laugh all the same. We've tried to teach him some legit knock-knock jokes, so he now has a few in his repertoire. My favorite one so far is:
Knock. Knock.
Who's There?
Shelby.
Shelby who?
She'll be..... coming around the mountain when she comes!
He loves that one! Liam also loves to play pretend, which is great when he and Nora play together. He brings his Woody and Buzz and Nora brings her princesses or baby dolls and they play pretend together. When Liam plays pretend, it usually involves his people going to Chick-fil-a. Or going to Geegaw's house. That's what everyone does. Every time. LEGOs have become a big deal in our house. In fact, I think we need to get a few more LEGOs because we have just enough for one kid to build something really cool, but if they have to play together there really aren't enough and they usually end up fighting for the bigger pieces, so maybe we'll get some more in the near future.
We have finally started seeing some fruit in Liam. For a while there, things were pretty tough. First of all, we had a lot of sleep issues for several months. Thankfully, those have completely resolved. I'm still not certain what all was going on with that, but he seems to have gotten over waking up multiple times in the night. He may occasionally wake very early in the morning screaming, but he usually goes back to sleep once we go in and cover him up. We have seen much growth in him, as well, in the area of discipline. I don't know what it was: being all boy, being two, being the middle child, adjusting to having a baby in the family. Maybe it was just the Lord's way of bringing me and Jonathan closer to Him, but for a while, we were having a hard time. Liam was not "getting it." He can be very stubborn and very resistant to authority, so we were having to be very consistent with discipline and correction. There were many times when I would just cry to Jonathan or to a friend that I just didn't understand why this was happening, questioning our methods of raising our son because we weren't seeing ANY changes in him. I remember one evening I was trying to cook dinner in the kitchen and wrangle all three of the children before Jonathan got home from work. While Stella was content in the bouncy seat and Nora was doing something else, Liam joined me in the kitchen. He started digging in my utensil drawer so I asked him to stop because it wasn't safe for him. So he stopped and moved directly to the dishwasher, opening and slamming the door and pushing all of the buttons. I asked him to stop doing that and to leave it alone, several times. Finally, he stopped and moved on to playing near the hot stove. Then he moved on to something else. Seriously, in about 30 seconds he intentionally tried to get into all of the things in the kitchen he was not supposed to. He was definitely testing me, but I was just so worn out after having dealt with similar patterns all day long. This seemed to be a summary of every day. Our days were long and difficult, and I allowed myself to get to the point where I wasn't enjoying him. I was so busy disciplining and constantly correcting him that I wasn't enjoying him anymore, and when I realized that, I was heart-broken. Liam is the sweetest boy. He is so cuddly and fun and sensitive; he's full of energy and life and joy. But he's also a sinner, and I was taking his rebellion and his resistance to my authority very personally.
I feel like the Lord has been slowly doing a work in my heart in this area. I can't really explain how or when or where it happened, but my heart toward my boy has and is changing. I do enjoy Liam so much. God has been faithful and kind to our attempts at training and disciplining Liam, and we are seeing much fruit these days. Granted, we have lots of disobedience still and struggles with hitting/pinching/bullying other kiddos at church. Through all of this I say that parenting has drawn me closer to the Lord. Being a momma helps me to realize that I cannot do this job in my own strength and determination. Well, I guess I could. But, I would never have joy or patience or kindness without the Lord doing those things in me. I would never be able to overcome my frustration or anger or love of comfort without His doing that work in me. I have seen so much about myself revealed! You know, when my kids disobey, what I really want is for it to stop and just go away. I like a life of ease. I want my kids to play well together, be kind to others, sleep great, eat whatever I put in front of them, and do all things without complaining and arguing. Wouldn't that be awesome!? Life would be so much easier (for me and them) if they just did what I asked them, but they don't. They don't because they are sinners, like everyone. They don't because they cannot. They are affected by the Fall just like I am and they are in desperate need of a Savior.
I'm reading a great book right now that is really helping me to grasp all of these things. It's called "Give Them Grace" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I'm only a few chapters in, but this book is soaked in the Gospel and constantly oozes out reminders of grace and God's love and mercy. It's perfect for this season of life we are in and will be in for many years to come.
Finally, let me talk quickly about my Stella. Oh my, do we love this baby girl! She is just the sweetest! She turned eight months last week which is just beyond my comprehension. She is getting so big and is learning all kinds of new things. As of just a few weeks ago, she is completely weaned. She is sleeping through the night consistently, taking four bottles a day, and eating lots of table foods. She still doesn't have any teeth, but that doesn't stop her one bit from eating most things. I have a feeling that crawling is on the horizon. She still rolls to get where she wants, but she loves to get on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth; it won't be long. Stella has also found her voice and loves to make loud noises to join in with her brother and sister. Her favorite sound is growling! Stella takes two two+ hour naps a day. The first one she goes down for about an hour after she wakes. I usually have to wake her for lunch, then she goes back down for nap at the same time Nora and Liam do. Praise the Lord, I have been having some quiet time to myself during the afternoon to rest, catch up on housework, read or watch Downton Abbey! She loves to spend her awake time playing with toys, blowing raspberries, and rolling around the floor. She adores her brother and sister, and they have both learned just recently how to hold her and give her a bottle! Such helpers!
Oh, I could go on and on about my trio. God is very kind to us and has blessed us with these little arrows in our quiver. They shoot straight into my heart and help me cling to the Lord more than ever. I am so thankful for them!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Parenting is Hard
I am so thankful for my husband. I am so thankful for my children. I know this may sound a bit off, but one of the main reasons I am so thankful for them is because they bring out some major sin in me. God uses that man and those little creatures to reveal so much of my ugliness, my selfishness, my desire for comfort and ease, and my outright sin. In doing this, God in his kindness draws me out of my egotistical mindset and softens my heart to realize that I am failing miserably at this job. I get angry, I think about myself WAY too much, I struggle with joy and patience and gentleness. BUT. BUT I have hope and I have forgiveness and I have truth and peace and confidence in a God that is way bigger than I am. Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. This is not even about the hours of my day or the constant mental thoughts rolling through my mind. This is about heart work and training my babies and trying to communicate things about the wonderful, powerful, grace-filled God that we serve. I am not qualified for this; however, God has so graciously given me these three lives to pour into to. Man, is it humbling.
It can be easy for me to get overwhelmed about the things I am doing "wrong." I know there are better ways of parenting. I know that I need to be more gentle, more patient, less of this and more of that. I can easily get lost in those thoughts and think that my children's future relationship with God, future relationships with me and the world and their rate of success is dependent on how well Jonathan and I parent them. I try to communicate to them about the Gospel, about Jesus' incredible love for them, their need for a Savior and not being able to obey Momma and Daddy by themselves, not being able to be willing to share their toys by themselves. Most days, however, I feel like their stares are blank and that I don't make any sense to them. If it were up to me, they would surely end up confused and hopeless. BUT. BUT God is not dependent on me. Praise the Lord for reminders like these:
"Although we long to be faithful parents, we also rest in the truth that our faithfulness is not what will save our children. Giving grace to our children is not another formula that guarantees their salvation or obedience. Grace-parenting is not another law for you to master to perfect your parenting or your children. Our children will be saved only through the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit, who works at the direction of our faithful heavenly Father. He's the faithful, powerful, soul-transforming One. Yes, he may use us as a means of accomplishing his purpose, but salvation is entirely of the Lord."
"Pure, unadulterated, consistent love for God and pure, unadulterated, consistent love for others is the summation of all the law God has given us in both the Old and New Testaments. Of course, the problem is that we never obey these simple commands. We always love ourselves more than we love God or others. [. . .] We are always more focused on what we want and how we might get it than we are on loving him and laying down our life for others. [. . .]
Even though our children cannot and will not obey God's law, we need to teach it to them again and again. And when they tell us that they can't love God or others in this way, we are not to argue with them. We are to agree with them and tell them of their need for a Savior.
The law of God also hinders our advance toward righteousness because, in our pride, we think that if we just try hard enough or repent deeply enough, we'll be able to obey it. We read the promises of life for obedience and think that means we can do it. The promises of life for obedience are not meant to build our self-confidence. They're meant to make us long for obedience and then, when we fail again, they are meant to crush us and drive us to Christ."
"Give Them Grace" by Elyse Fitzpatrick
It can be easy for me to get overwhelmed about the things I am doing "wrong." I know there are better ways of parenting. I know that I need to be more gentle, more patient, less of this and more of that. I can easily get lost in those thoughts and think that my children's future relationship with God, future relationships with me and the world and their rate of success is dependent on how well Jonathan and I parent them. I try to communicate to them about the Gospel, about Jesus' incredible love for them, their need for a Savior and not being able to obey Momma and Daddy by themselves, not being able to be willing to share their toys by themselves. Most days, however, I feel like their stares are blank and that I don't make any sense to them. If it were up to me, they would surely end up confused and hopeless. BUT. BUT God is not dependent on me. Praise the Lord for reminders like these:
"Although we long to be faithful parents, we also rest in the truth that our faithfulness is not what will save our children. Giving grace to our children is not another formula that guarantees their salvation or obedience. Grace-parenting is not another law for you to master to perfect your parenting or your children. Our children will be saved only through the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit, who works at the direction of our faithful heavenly Father. He's the faithful, powerful, soul-transforming One. Yes, he may use us as a means of accomplishing his purpose, but salvation is entirely of the Lord."
"Pure, unadulterated, consistent love for God and pure, unadulterated, consistent love for others is the summation of all the law God has given us in both the Old and New Testaments. Of course, the problem is that we never obey these simple commands. We always love ourselves more than we love God or others. [. . .] We are always more focused on what we want and how we might get it than we are on loving him and laying down our life for others. [. . .]
Even though our children cannot and will not obey God's law, we need to teach it to them again and again. And when they tell us that they can't love God or others in this way, we are not to argue with them. We are to agree with them and tell them of their need for a Savior.
The law of God also hinders our advance toward righteousness because, in our pride, we think that if we just try hard enough or repent deeply enough, we'll be able to obey it. We read the promises of life for obedience and think that means we can do it. The promises of life for obedience are not meant to build our self-confidence. They're meant to make us long for obedience and then, when we fail again, they are meant to crush us and drive us to Christ."
"Give Them Grace" by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Lists.
What is it about lists that is so appealing to me!?
Grocery lists.
To-do lists.
Packing lists.
Reading lists.
I have recently come up with two additional lists that I am going to try to keep running over the course of this year. The first is an idea that I got off of Pinterest.
Now, I haven't actually bought the flashcards yet. And not having the flashcards, I haven't dated them or anything like that. BUT, I have started a list on my cellphone of a memory each day so far this month. I plan to buy some flashcards and date them. Perhaps I will purchase a cute little box to store them in and set on the kitchen table, and I would love to keep this going. Our days are so filled and so busy, but they are also flying by at an unbelievable speed. I would love to look back and see what fun things we've done this year. (Is it just me or is it harder to remember things? I think it's the babies. And pregnancy. And nursing. They suck it out of me. Literally.)
Here is a snapshot of the list I have begun on my phone. Hopefully soon I will gather the materials for the tangible list, but I think it will be good to have my list so easily accessible.
Ok, on to my other list. I mentioned in an earlier post that I am reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I know many people have read it or are reading it. I don't want to give too much of the book away to those who would like to read it themselves, but let me give you a quick summary from the inside cover of the book:
Grocery lists.
To-do lists.
Packing lists.
Reading lists.
I have recently come up with two additional lists that I am going to try to keep running over the course of this year. The first is an idea that I got off of Pinterest.
Now, I haven't actually bought the flashcards yet. And not having the flashcards, I haven't dated them or anything like that. BUT, I have started a list on my cellphone of a memory each day so far this month. I plan to buy some flashcards and date them. Perhaps I will purchase a cute little box to store them in and set on the kitchen table, and I would love to keep this going. Our days are so filled and so busy, but they are also flying by at an unbelievable speed. I would love to look back and see what fun things we've done this year. (Is it just me or is it harder to remember things? I think it's the babies. And pregnancy. And nursing. They suck it out of me. Literally.)
Ok, on to my other list. I mentioned in an earlier post that I am reading a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I know many people have read it or are reading it. I don't want to give too much of the book away to those who would like to read it themselves, but let me give you a quick summary from the inside cover of the book:
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Shaken
It's been a rough few days in mothering. I feel like the Lord is trying to remind me (once again) how dependent on Him I truly am. He is drawing me into Himself, trying to pull me out of my selfishness, self-reliant, independence. He is trying to remind me that He has given me three wonderful, beautiful children who, alas, are sinners. I, their momma, am the chief of sinners. So, I am trying to cling to the Lord, find my Strength in Him, and fight for joy. I have been listening to a few worship albums by Paul Baloche and have found much comfort, much encouragement, and much peace in them. Here is one called "Shaken."
The lyrics are:
Only a spotless lamb
For a sinner's soul
You gave me a heart of flesh
For a heart of stone
You brought me down to my knees
When I was full of pride
And took away all the places
I could hide
Those You love You will chasten
Everything that can be will be shaken
Everything that can be will be shaken
And only You remain
Only You remain
Wherever my treasure is
There my heart will be
I'm fixing my eyes on things
In the heavenlies
When everything is said and done
And swept away
I wanna be by Your side
In eternity
Those You love You will chasten
No suffering for the moment
Is pleasant but it brings forth
The peaceful fruit of righteousness
Jesus my righteousness
Only You remain
Only You remain
Also, I LOVE the song "To The Cross"
Here are the lyrics for that song:
Where can I go
But to the cross to the cross
For there my shame
You have washed away
Where can I go
But to the cross to the cross
For there You gave
Up Your life for me
You gave Your life for me
You stretched Your arms out wide
I lift my hands up high to my Savior
You stretched Your arms out wide
I lift my hands up high to my Savior
So Lord I run
To the cross to the cross
Surrender all to my Savior King
Be my everything
Chains are broken
Shame has fallen
All my sins are gone
These songs and thoughts have been on my heart today. I pray if you feel heavy-hearted too, that they would encourage you and help you to hang on to Christ tighter!
The lyrics are:
Only a spotless lamb
For a sinner's soul
You gave me a heart of flesh
For a heart of stone
You brought me down to my knees
When I was full of pride
And took away all the places
I could hide
Those You love You will chasten
Everything that can be will be shaken
Everything that can be will be shaken
And only You remain
Only You remain
Wherever my treasure is
There my heart will be
I'm fixing my eyes on things
In the heavenlies
When everything is said and done
And swept away
I wanna be by Your side
In eternity
Those You love You will chasten
No suffering for the moment
Is pleasant but it brings forth
The peaceful fruit of righteousness
Jesus my righteousness
Only You remain
Only You remain
Also, I LOVE the song "To The Cross"
Here are the lyrics for that song:
Where can I go
But to the cross to the cross
For there my shame
You have washed away
Where can I go
But to the cross to the cross
For there You gave
Up Your life for me
You gave Your life for me
You stretched Your arms out wide
I lift my hands up high to my Savior
You stretched Your arms out wide
I lift my hands up high to my Savior
So Lord I run
To the cross to the cross
Surrender all to my Savior King
Be my everything
Chains are broken
Shame has fallen
All my sins are gone
These songs and thoughts have been on my heart today. I pray if you feel heavy-hearted too, that they would encourage you and help you to hang on to Christ tighter!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sleepyheads.
Our nights over here at the Bradshaw house haven't been as peaceful as we'd like them to be! I am pretty certain that I have blogged before about Liam's sleeping trouble and how he's been having difficulty sleeping soundly through the night for about seven or eight months. It's been something that we have been going through for a while now, but instead of getting better, I feel like Liam's sleeping issues are getting worse. Let me explain by giving a little history.
We weaned Liam off of the pacifier last February. He did amazingly well with getting rid of it, and right off the bat he slept great. I was expecting screaming fits for nights on end, but the first week or so it was like a dream. About a month after taking away the paci, Liam started waking at night. My memories have faded, but I think there was some sickness, some teething, and just some two-year-old sleep battles that were taking place, so we didn't really think there was much of a "real" issue with his sleeping. He would wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and Jonathan would go comfort him to get him to go back to sleep. I was quite pregnant at the time, so getting out of the bed was much easier for Jonathan than me. I was thankful for his help, but it quickly became apparent that we were starting a pattern with Liam that when he woke up and screamed in the night, Daddy would come, cover him up, sing to him, and back to sleep Liam would go. After a few weeks of this and some escalation as to how many times a night Liam was waking, I told Jonathan that I thought Liam just needed to cry it out in the middle of the night. We were less than two months away from a newborn coming, so our sleep disruption would be bad enough without having to tend to Liam as well. We tried that. Some nights it worked, some nights it didn't. I remember a time somewhere in those months where Liam would throw all out fits, with his ear-piercing shrieking screams. We went back and forth...what do we do? do we discipline? how do you rationalize with an almost 2-year old? is he sick? is he scared? is this disobedience or true problems that we need to care for?
So, to make a long story short, we've been battling this for months. Once Stella came, this continued, and she turned out to be an AMAZING sleeper from the beginner. I really feel that was a gift from the Lord because Liam was having more sleep trouble than ever. I don't know that there was a night where Jonathan didn't go into his room at least once, most times just to say, "Daddy's here." He'd cover Liam up and climb back into bed.
Stella is now five months old, and I would say over the past two months or so we have started to think that maybe Liam has nightmares sometimes. There have been a few instances where he's woken in the middle of the night and wasn't easily consoled like usual. I have even heard him through the monitor cry out in his sleep about different things that have made me think he was having a bad dream. This was confirmed when we were in Disney World. Liam slept with us on a pallet on the floor, but there were a few nights that he ended up in between us. He woke up several times on that trip with nightmares, but he was definitely easily consoled by one of us.
Once we arrived back from Disney, we had to deal with getting him used to sleeping in his own bed again. That first night back was really rough....he was exhausted and very unhappy to be back to reality. A few nights ago, I believe that Liam had a night terror. He may have had one of these before, but I've really been trying to pay more attention to what's happening with him at night, and I think what we experienced was much more severe than what we've seen from him before. Liam woke up around 2 am, and Jonathan immediately went to him. His crying was very loud and very constant. I usually am able to fade back to sleep once Jonathan gets up, but Liam's crying didn't stop for about wo minutes. Liam was calling for me, so I went in and found my boys on the floor, Jonathan cuddling Liam and asking him what was wrong. He just kept repeating, "I want Momma, I want Momma." I took Liam in my lap, asked him what the matter was, asked him to talk to us, but he just kept crying and kept asking for me. His eyes were wide open, he seemed awake, but he wasn't really responding to us as usual. This went on for a few minutes, and then suddenly we were able to draw him out of it, he told us he was ready to go back to bed, so we laid him down and left the room.
I went back to sleep, but as I thought about what happened the next morning, I began to wonder if Liam had a night terror. I asked about night terrors on Facebook to see if others had children with them, and many friends seemed to confirm that it sounds like Liam may have them. Do I think that the night terrors are what he has every night? No. There was definitely a distinction in his behavior when he would not be consoled. I think I am going to talk to our pediatrician about it all and see what input he has. In the mean time, I have had several friends recommend that I cut out sugar and chocolate if possible from his diet in the evenings. We'll see if that helps him at all.
Ugh, it's hard. I have to confess that it gets OLD having to go in there. I really struggle with compassion toward him in this area because I don't understand why he wakes up so much. The questions that have run through my mind over the past few months include: Is this an inability to comfort himself? Is this a behavior issue? Does this all stem from us taking the paci away or him struggling to adjust to the new baby and all of the life changes? Is he just spoiled and have we just established a bad pattern that we can't break? Will this ever end? I know the night terrors are legitimate and are something outside of Liam's control. Really, this is just my selfishness at work in me.
I need to be compassionate and caring to Liam, even in the middle of the night. I want to be this way. I know in my head that he won't always do this. I know he WILL sleep again, and so will we. This is part of parenthood, and we are called to care selflessly for our children every day, no matter the situation. I thank the Lord that He has sustained Jonathan and I all of these months. A year ago, having disrupted sleep really affected me during the day more than it does now. God has been so kind to give me energy that I can't explain. Does that mean that I am always kind, energetic, and spunky with my kids? NO. Does that mean that I don't still get tired? Definitely not. But, I know that the Lord is carrying us through this season and that He will continue to give us the strength we need and the ability to care for Liam. I am praying for wisdom on how to handle each night on a day by day basis. I do know that our God is the God of peace and comfort, and that this is an opportunity for us to point Liam to the Lord. We sing "Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" to Liam every night before bed and oftentimes in the middle of the night. I desire that the way we comfort him reflects mercy and gentleness and peace, pointing him toward Jesus.
So, if you have any input or similar experiences, I would love for you to share with me! This is uncharted territory, and I just cry out the God for wisdom. Also, if you would please pray for Liam. We love our little man so much! Thank you so much.
We weaned Liam off of the pacifier last February. He did amazingly well with getting rid of it, and right off the bat he slept great. I was expecting screaming fits for nights on end, but the first week or so it was like a dream. About a month after taking away the paci, Liam started waking at night. My memories have faded, but I think there was some sickness, some teething, and just some two-year-old sleep battles that were taking place, so we didn't really think there was much of a "real" issue with his sleeping. He would wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, and Jonathan would go comfort him to get him to go back to sleep. I was quite pregnant at the time, so getting out of the bed was much easier for Jonathan than me. I was thankful for his help, but it quickly became apparent that we were starting a pattern with Liam that when he woke up and screamed in the night, Daddy would come, cover him up, sing to him, and back to sleep Liam would go. After a few weeks of this and some escalation as to how many times a night Liam was waking, I told Jonathan that I thought Liam just needed to cry it out in the middle of the night. We were less than two months away from a newborn coming, so our sleep disruption would be bad enough without having to tend to Liam as well. We tried that. Some nights it worked, some nights it didn't. I remember a time somewhere in those months where Liam would throw all out fits, with his ear-piercing shrieking screams. We went back and forth...what do we do? do we discipline? how do you rationalize with an almost 2-year old? is he sick? is he scared? is this disobedience or true problems that we need to care for?
So, to make a long story short, we've been battling this for months. Once Stella came, this continued, and she turned out to be an AMAZING sleeper from the beginner. I really feel that was a gift from the Lord because Liam was having more sleep trouble than ever. I don't know that there was a night where Jonathan didn't go into his room at least once, most times just to say, "Daddy's here." He'd cover Liam up and climb back into bed.
Stella is now five months old, and I would say over the past two months or so we have started to think that maybe Liam has nightmares sometimes. There have been a few instances where he's woken in the middle of the night and wasn't easily consoled like usual. I have even heard him through the monitor cry out in his sleep about different things that have made me think he was having a bad dream. This was confirmed when we were in Disney World. Liam slept with us on a pallet on the floor, but there were a few nights that he ended up in between us. He woke up several times on that trip with nightmares, but he was definitely easily consoled by one of us.
Once we arrived back from Disney, we had to deal with getting him used to sleeping in his own bed again. That first night back was really rough....he was exhausted and very unhappy to be back to reality. A few nights ago, I believe that Liam had a night terror. He may have had one of these before, but I've really been trying to pay more attention to what's happening with him at night, and I think what we experienced was much more severe than what we've seen from him before. Liam woke up around 2 am, and Jonathan immediately went to him. His crying was very loud and very constant. I usually am able to fade back to sleep once Jonathan gets up, but Liam's crying didn't stop for about wo minutes. Liam was calling for me, so I went in and found my boys on the floor, Jonathan cuddling Liam and asking him what was wrong. He just kept repeating, "I want Momma, I want Momma." I took Liam in my lap, asked him what the matter was, asked him to talk to us, but he just kept crying and kept asking for me. His eyes were wide open, he seemed awake, but he wasn't really responding to us as usual. This went on for a few minutes, and then suddenly we were able to draw him out of it, he told us he was ready to go back to bed, so we laid him down and left the room.
I went back to sleep, but as I thought about what happened the next morning, I began to wonder if Liam had a night terror. I asked about night terrors on Facebook to see if others had children with them, and many friends seemed to confirm that it sounds like Liam may have them. Do I think that the night terrors are what he has every night? No. There was definitely a distinction in his behavior when he would not be consoled. I think I am going to talk to our pediatrician about it all and see what input he has. In the mean time, I have had several friends recommend that I cut out sugar and chocolate if possible from his diet in the evenings. We'll see if that helps him at all.
Ugh, it's hard. I have to confess that it gets OLD having to go in there. I really struggle with compassion toward him in this area because I don't understand why he wakes up so much. The questions that have run through my mind over the past few months include: Is this an inability to comfort himself? Is this a behavior issue? Does this all stem from us taking the paci away or him struggling to adjust to the new baby and all of the life changes? Is he just spoiled and have we just established a bad pattern that we can't break? Will this ever end? I know the night terrors are legitimate and are something outside of Liam's control. Really, this is just my selfishness at work in me.
I need to be compassionate and caring to Liam, even in the middle of the night. I want to be this way. I know in my head that he won't always do this. I know he WILL sleep again, and so will we. This is part of parenthood, and we are called to care selflessly for our children every day, no matter the situation. I thank the Lord that He has sustained Jonathan and I all of these months. A year ago, having disrupted sleep really affected me during the day more than it does now. God has been so kind to give me energy that I can't explain. Does that mean that I am always kind, energetic, and spunky with my kids? NO. Does that mean that I don't still get tired? Definitely not. But, I know that the Lord is carrying us through this season and that He will continue to give us the strength we need and the ability to care for Liam. I am praying for wisdom on how to handle each night on a day by day basis. I do know that our God is the God of peace and comfort, and that this is an opportunity for us to point Liam to the Lord. We sing "Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus" to Liam every night before bed and oftentimes in the middle of the night. I desire that the way we comfort him reflects mercy and gentleness and peace, pointing him toward Jesus.
So, if you have any input or similar experiences, I would love for you to share with me! This is uncharted territory, and I just cry out the God for wisdom. Also, if you would please pray for Liam. We love our little man so much! Thank you so much.
Friday, October 28, 2011
On the Web
Here are some things that I've been enjoying on the Internet lately. Just some things that I thought I would share to hopefully brighten your day:
1. Pandora: I know this website has been around for several years now, and it is probably SOOOO 2009, but I have really been enjoying it on my iPhone while riding in the car. Here are several stations that I've been listening to over the past few months. Check them out:
-Andrew Peterson radio station
-Waterdeep worship radio station
-Adele radio station
-The Civil Wars radio station
-Brian Regan radio station
One other thing I want to say about these Pandora stations is that Jonathan and I have come across some really great new artists by listening to these stations. We'll be listening to something and are intrigued by a song or artist, so we've broadened our music listening even more! Love it!
2. Pinterest: Almost everyone is on board with this new website, and I must say that I absolutely LOVE Pinterest. I usually only get to browse it while I am nursing Stella, so I am glad that I downloaded the Pinterest app for my iPhone. I have come across TONS of great recipes (many of which I have actually TRIED!), some great decorating ideas, craft and fun activities for the kids, and much, much more.
3. I am really trying to do some planning for this coming Christmas season, and I have really had a desire to start implementing some new family traditions. One that I want to start this Christmas is an advent calendar that I do with the kids, including learning about the Christmas story and fun activities to go along with that. So, I've been doing lots of searching online for great ideas in this regard. I thought I would share some websites I've found in case you want to look into them:
Confessions of a Homeschooler's Advent Activity List
Advent Gift Boxes
Tons of Christmas Ideas from I Can Teach My Child
Christmas Countdown including a breakdown of the Christmas Story in the Bible
I am planning to put a few ideas together to personalize our Advent calendar, and I am sure I will come across more great ideas as the season approaches. Next on my list is to find an Advent calendar. I am trying to find one with the little boxes you open up, so if you know where I can find one, please give a shout out!
4. When the Milkshake Runs Low is another article by Rachel Jankovic on the Feminagirls.com website. Rachel is the author of Loving the Little Years, a book about motherhood and having young children that I read recently. She is such a gifted writer and such a blessing to mothers who can relate to having lots of little ones around, fighting for joy and wisdom.
That's all for now! I'll try to share some of the awesome recipes I've come across on Pinterest soon!
1. Pandora: I know this website has been around for several years now, and it is probably SOOOO 2009, but I have really been enjoying it on my iPhone while riding in the car. Here are several stations that I've been listening to over the past few months. Check them out:
-Andrew Peterson radio station
-Waterdeep worship radio station
-Adele radio station
-The Civil Wars radio station
-Brian Regan radio station
One other thing I want to say about these Pandora stations is that Jonathan and I have come across some really great new artists by listening to these stations. We'll be listening to something and are intrigued by a song or artist, so we've broadened our music listening even more! Love it!
2. Pinterest: Almost everyone is on board with this new website, and I must say that I absolutely LOVE Pinterest. I usually only get to browse it while I am nursing Stella, so I am glad that I downloaded the Pinterest app for my iPhone. I have come across TONS of great recipes (many of which I have actually TRIED!), some great decorating ideas, craft and fun activities for the kids, and much, much more.
3. I am really trying to do some planning for this coming Christmas season, and I have really had a desire to start implementing some new family traditions. One that I want to start this Christmas is an advent calendar that I do with the kids, including learning about the Christmas story and fun activities to go along with that. So, I've been doing lots of searching online for great ideas in this regard. I thought I would share some websites I've found in case you want to look into them:
Confessions of a Homeschooler's Advent Activity List
Advent Gift Boxes
Tons of Christmas Ideas from I Can Teach My Child
Christmas Countdown including a breakdown of the Christmas Story in the Bible
I am planning to put a few ideas together to personalize our Advent calendar, and I am sure I will come across more great ideas as the season approaches. Next on my list is to find an Advent calendar. I am trying to find one with the little boxes you open up, so if you know where I can find one, please give a shout out!
4. When the Milkshake Runs Low is another article by Rachel Jankovic on the Feminagirls.com website. Rachel is the author of Loving the Little Years, a book about motherhood and having young children that I read recently. She is such a gifted writer and such a blessing to mothers who can relate to having lots of little ones around, fighting for joy and wisdom.
That's all for now! I'll try to share some of the awesome recipes I've come across on Pinterest soon!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Blessings of a Smaller Home
So, I guess I haven't updated that we have officially taken our home off of the market. We put it up for sale last February, hoping to sell before Stella's arrival, but after six months with no offers and a dwindling market, we decided to wait. As Liam says, "It's hard to be patient!" I was torn (and still am, for that matter) about staying put where we are for right now. I am thankful that we don't have to deal with house showings, open houses, having to keep the house spit-spot all of the time, and having to gather up three kiddos within a moment's notice if a realtor happens to call for a last-minute showing. It was a lot to deal with around the time that Stella was born, so when we took the house off of the market, I was able to breathe a deep sigh of relief.
On the other hand, we really would like to have more space. Even typing that makes me grateful for what space we have. We are more cramped than we'd like to be, but really, we are doing just fine. I think for me it's just a struggle with contentment and gratefulness with what we have. I like to think about what I would like to have compared to what we do have. I like to compare our house to what others have, which only heightens my discontentment. Some days I am thankful that I don't have more space to keep up because--just being honest--it's all I can do to keep some sense of sanity in the space that we have. I know that more house means more work, so in this busy season of having three little ones, I am trying to remind myself that less is best for now.
A few weeks ago, I came across a blog post on this very subject on Passionate Homemaking. The title of the article is "The Blessings of a Small Home." It was just the reminder I needed to hear to be thankful for where we are and some great reasons why. I trust that in His perfect timing, the Lord may bless us with a larger home. But, I think God keeps reminding me that a new house is not where I will find happiness. I don't need a new house; I don't deserve a new house. I am blessed beyond measure with what I have right now. And if it was better for us to be somewhere else, that is where we would be. I trust in my Sovereign, my Good, my All-Knowing and All-Powerful God! I just have to keep reminding my sinful, selfish heart that He knows better than I do!
On the other hand, we really would like to have more space. Even typing that makes me grateful for what space we have. We are more cramped than we'd like to be, but really, we are doing just fine. I think for me it's just a struggle with contentment and gratefulness with what we have. I like to think about what I would like to have compared to what we do have. I like to compare our house to what others have, which only heightens my discontentment. Some days I am thankful that I don't have more space to keep up because--just being honest--it's all I can do to keep some sense of sanity in the space that we have. I know that more house means more work, so in this busy season of having three little ones, I am trying to remind myself that less is best for now.
A few weeks ago, I came across a blog post on this very subject on Passionate Homemaking. The title of the article is "The Blessings of a Small Home." It was just the reminder I needed to hear to be thankful for where we are and some great reasons why. I trust that in His perfect timing, the Lord may bless us with a larger home. But, I think God keeps reminding me that a new house is not where I will find happiness. I don't need a new house; I don't deserve a new house. I am blessed beyond measure with what I have right now. And if it was better for us to be somewhere else, that is where we would be. I trust in my Sovereign, my Good, my All-Knowing and All-Powerful God! I just have to keep reminding my sinful, selfish heart that He knows better than I do!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Stepping Heavenward
I just had to get up from reading and share with you about this book. I started reading it last Sunday, and any chance I get, I pick it up to read. I am absolutely loving this book and am so challenged by reading about the journey of this woman from a young girl of sixteen who is so clueless about a true relationship with God to a wife and mother who through suffering, hardship, and true life learns what it means to be a daughter of the Lord Jesus Christ. Seriously, I have highlighted about half of the book. I think this will be one of my all-time favorite books that will be read over and over!
If you have not read it, I would highly recommend it. Here are a few quotes that I just can't stop thinking about:
"If there is any one truth I would gladly impress on the mind of a young Christian, it is just this, that God notices the most trivial act, accepts the poorest, most threadbare little service, listens to the coldest, feeblest petition, and gathers up with parental fondness all our fragmentary desires and attempts at good works. Oh, if we could only begin to conceive how He loves us, what different creatures we should be!" page 68
"The more I pray and the more I read the Bible, the more I feel my ignorance. And the more earnestly I desire holiness, the more utterly unholy I see myself to be." page 90
"...I shall now have one more mouth the more to fill and two more feet the more to shoe, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing. Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer to them all, to whom, while I minister in Christ's name, I make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, to her lifelong prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!" page 228-229
Stepping Heavenward, by Elizabeth Prentiss
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Came to My Rescue
Just being honest, it's been a rough week this past week parenting-wise. I love my kiddos so much, but sometimes I get overwhelmed by the constancy of tending to a four-year old, two-year old, and three-month old. It's a very busy season, but such a precious season. I am so thankful for the time I have with them, almost every minute of every day, but I get very impatient at times and don't do a great job of displaying kindness, gentleness, and patience. It's like I know in my head the kind of mother I want to be all of the time, but because of my sinful heart I am not that mother. God has been showing me that I am completely dependent on him to be the Momma that brings him glory and shows Christ to my kiddos. I have been very aware this week that I can't do this job by myself.
While driving in the car yesterday, I was listening to Pandora and found myself listening to a familiar song: "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong United.
Here are the words:
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I,
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
The words "My whole life I place in your hands. God of mercy, humbled, I bow down. [. . .] I called, you answered, and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are." That's my prayer. My whole life, my kids' lives, their hearts, their salvation, their attitudes and behaviors, their education, their relationships with each other, my relationship with Jonathan, my chaotic house, my relationship with You.....I give it all to you. I know in my sin I'll continue to take it back, thinking that I can handle it when indeed I cannot, but right now, I am going to choose to let go and give it to you. Help me to keep doing that. Give it up, give it you. It belongs to you, anyway!
While driving in the car yesterday, I was listening to Pandora and found myself listening to a familiar song: "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong United.
Here are the words:
Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I,
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
The words "My whole life I place in your hands. God of mercy, humbled, I bow down. [. . .] I called, you answered, and you came to my rescue and I want to be where you are." That's my prayer. My whole life, my kids' lives, their hearts, their salvation, their attitudes and behaviors, their education, their relationships with each other, my relationship with Jonathan, my chaotic house, my relationship with You.....I give it all to you. I know in my sin I'll continue to take it back, thinking that I can handle it when indeed I cannot, but right now, I am going to choose to let go and give it to you. Help me to keep doing that. Give it up, give it you. It belongs to you, anyway!
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